The Love Witch was insanely good, and I have been desperately trying to get everyone I know to watch it. This is so exciting!!!

It seem like the gift you get from your mother-in-law.

I assume people who “can’t” keep track of bath towels are entirely capable of it, but passive-aggressively won’t keep track of it. My mother definitely resents that I won’t share chapstick/lipstick/lipgloss with her anymore, and I could totally see her saying, “Oh, I thought that was mine,” when she knew it wasn’t.…

I guess I could maybe understand using them for bath towels (but no), but I really don’t understand why you would have any need for them at the beach. I want to bring fewer things to the beach. My main beach problem is not confusing my towel for someone else’s, which I have never heard of happening. My main problem…

You could switch to olives for a martini garnish (my preference), or cocktail onions, or if you usually eat in, you could start thinking of lemons and limes as more of a staple. I try to have them on hand for cooking and dressing up plain or sparkling water, so they are also always there when I want a cocktail.

Are you garnishing Manhattans with hard candy? I sure hope not.

When someone assumes I want vodka in a martini:

Anecdotally, when my mom was a stripper, she said police regularly coerced strippers into giving them blow jobs in exchange for not arresting them for prostitution, which they weren’t actually engaging in in the first place.

The time machine was actually an elevator! (dun dun DUN!!!)

...when you want to gaslight women about sexual assault so bad that you are willing to say Trump is “good-looking”...

“...taking its cues from the cartoon which was set 100 years out from 1962 (so, it took place in 2062.) But the cartoon worked because it assumed the future would be just great...” 

I’m trying to star this, but I can’t see if the star took.

I’m 34 and pregnant, and it’s on my to-do list before the baby comes. I’ve brought it up before, but my husband gets so sad at the thought I might outlive him, so I never pushed it. With the baby coming, I absolutely have to push it.

I’m sure he knows all sorts of things- he has a high IQ and two advanced degrees- but he does his very best to understand absolutely nothing. He has some issues to work through that, since I have known him, have caused him to spend an inordinate amount of energy trying to force false propositions to be true.

I have literally been mulling over this exact question the past couple of days, specifically regarding Game of Thrones. I’ve managed to watch the first two episodes twice, and fall asleep to the 3rd episode once, and I really just want to understand all the Khaleesi references. The premise sounds right up my ally,…

I’m so thankful to have grown up in the 80s.

I’m trying to figure out if this is more or less dumb than the Facebook post a former friend liked that said something about “If you want to take down monuments to Confederates, you liberals must also want to take down monuments to Native American warriors, because they were enemy combatants of the United States, and…

“Former Trump campaign senior adviser A.J. Delgado.”

Blanche: It’s been my experience that wealthy men make the best lovers.

I’m trying to start a rumor that the eclipse will put us back in the correct timeline. Berenstein Bears will be spelled correctly, Trump will be that idiot who said he’d run for president but never actually did, and Grey’s Anatomy will have ended years ago.