The shit just spews from him like a fountain. 

But child custody orders can be modified after the divorce. There is no reason to put off a divorce for that alone. 

This feels insanely controlling. If you are getting divorced then you no longer have that kind of control over that person. If Ben wants to be a drunk and you are divorcing him, and you don’t really get to say whether or not he can be a drunk anymore. That is the whole point of the divorce. It would be up to the judge…

Hee hee, are you me?... I don’t think I’ve ever been able to come outta that store with the thing I was looking for, because I get so enthralled and caught up with the nesting boxy containery storageness of it all.

Every time I go in there I wind up putting maybe 20 items in my cart and then putting them back when I get a new idea and then putting that item back when I get another new idea and somehow walk out of the store with nothing. Mostly because I add up all my new ideas and can’t afford any of them.

I feel like this and bookstores are the devil’s real weapons, what with being trapped in them and the fact that we don’t need more plastic or reasons to destroy forests

I am impressed that you were able to buy anything at all - the few times I’ve been there I’ve walked away empty-handed. There are just so many awesome choices that I get overwhelmed and just don’t buy anything. I love that there are containers that go inside of containers that go inside of containers. You can get a…

People who obsess over what other people do in private spaces by positing horrible actions on those people’s part are pretty much broadcasting that they would do these things if given the opportunity and should, on that basis, be shunned by society.

This one was a pleasure.

There’s the pun I was looking for

Achille shit heels.

If this weren’t so sad it would be very funny. They say that we’re violent pervs who attack innocent women in children in precious bathroom stalls. And yet they’re so “peaceful” that they got an entire school district shut down.

The system works!

People won’t be living in poverty once they are no longer living. 

Im almost positive that if Trump has used that word, he has used it to refer to his predecessor.

“Trump gave full authority to let her go.”

Damn, now I want some purple drink.

I really hate crap like this.

THE SADDEST TRUTH: A recording of him saying it could come out...and not a damn thing would happen. In fact, it may even boost his poll numbers. Deep in your heart, you know this to be true. This is our cursed reality.