I don't think you hate being that person at all.

As a resident of B.C., I approve this regional smack talk.

Your first paragraph as gorgeous a short story as I have ever read. Beautifully done.

Drinking helps.

I like to imagine that Carol Burnette and Bob Newhart are my alterna-parents, so I get you. :)

You're totally reminding me of the dad on My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Goldie Hawn! Goddamn! She looks fabulous.

Go get it, sister.

Can we talk about the horribleness of Katie Holmes as a judge? Dreck! That woman opens her mouth and meaningless dreck falls out.

Sasha was my favourite. She definitely had to work harder than Melanie who, while a wonderful dancer, was so clearly crowned at the beginning and never challenged in the same way Sasha was (whacking? really?).

Which sounds then like she's advocating responding to the inconsiderate, last-minute jerk by being an inconsiderate, last-minute jerk to some poor, easily available dude.

So if he doesn't call by 10:00 Wednesday, you should go out with the other guy who calls you sometime on Thursday?

Did you miss March Madness, where King Corgi took all?

The depth of pleasure I get from this awful (props to @BeccaTheWitz for "awesomeful") movie should be embarrassing. But I'm just too delighted with this and the next two songs on my playlist, Cool Rider and Who's That Guy.

Look at me! Look at meeeeeeee! Watch me mediocre my way across the floor! Am I not enchanting?

OFFS, JLo. You're meeting William and Kate. Do try to dress as if you weren't an upscale pole dancer.

I love them.

I named my cat Mrs. Nesbitt, in the hopes that she would become a twin-set and pearls kind of cat who sits on your lap whilst I sipped Earl Grey tea. Instead, she's a demon hellcat who should have been named Mrs. Beelzebub, Lady of the Flies. She is a leather and chains, spitting and hissing furbitch. She will eat my…

I'd be quite happy to have this Rufus roaming around my neighbourhood.

When the result is a truly wonderful, equal, happy marriage, we're generally OK with it.