BYOC.

Pissing in a sink is one thing, pissing in your customer’s cup, in their kitchen is the dimension of the story that is important.

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

I laughed so hard reading this I choked on the sandwich I was eating. I did not die, but when I do, please deliver my eulogy. As my sex worker. Thank you.

I can sing several verses of Amazing Grace because my best friend had a zealot-y phase growing up and taught them to me. But my raised-atheist little ass just thought it was a pretty song about an actual woman named Grace who went around helping people. She seemed nice.

If you don’t win I’m burning the Internet to the ground.

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

I am going to keep this one short and sweet.

This seemed relevant. I’m not really sure why.

It’s sad that your comment makes me realize at least she’ll get a six month break from pregnancy to heal both emotionally and physically.

Hearing about the way her parents raised their children makes me very sad.

Sure. But, when you’re really broke and constantly anxious about how you’re going to pay the bills, rent, etc., sometimes you take things you’d never in a million years think you’d tolerate.

Hahaha what? You don’t give a fucking Coke to someone who is hypoglycemic, especially if you don’t know for sure that they aren’t actually hyperglycemic. If you are positive they are hypoglycemic and not hyperglycemic (IE, with a CBG result), you give them fucking juice. And you call EMS.

Seriously? Someone in your party is having a medical emergency and you thought it was hunky dory to sit there and stew about your waitress?!? Servers are not EMTs, and maybe she was at the mercy of a slow/slammed bartender. Call 911 or at least get up and go to the bar yourself, but don’t pin it on the server. There’s…

I want angry cats to pee in their hair while they sleep. What utter bastards.

Kitty will get his revenge. They always do...

You know it!

Dave Coulier was no Les Lye, though.

I know what I’m doing tonight...

1. Am I the only person on Facebook who isn’t selling something? I love my pampered chef pizza stone as much as the next person, but fuck off and here’s two dozen pics of my children as babies for payback.