Yeah, I may put up with it from people I see twice a year at most and am related to. It’s just so not worth it. I will still correct them and insist “I AM STILL MS. MY LAST NAME AND WILL SOON BE Dr. MY LAST NAME” if it comes up because since getting married, it’s been all kinds of “but WHY not” on taking his name but…

Hahaha I love that! My mom’s maiden name is - no joke - Loser. Pronounced “low-sure.” She played a lot of sports growing up and had to deal with constant taunting. And my grandpa was all offended when my uncle added an I to his last name to avoid all that for his own kids! Side note: my mom was also almost named Gay.…

I don’t have anything funny or happy to share, but I’m going to take this as a moment to vent frustrations. Enjoy the many unnecessary parenthetical phrases.

To preface this: the following story takes place in Florida.

SO HERE’S HOW IT ALL WENT DOWN.

The summer after high school graduation and my boyfriend was staying the night from out of town. He slept in the guest room and, in the morning, I went in and laid on top of the covers next to him (with the door left open, of course, because rules). Soon after, two or three of our cats also jumped on the bed.

Once, my mom and dad told us they were giving us the house for the weekend while they were taking a cruise. I was 18 and I was going to have friends over. It was going to be a fantastic weekend!

I had went out to lunch at the mall with my mom, I had to have been in my early 20’s. We stopped in the food court to ear and as usual mom took out her top plate of dentures. She used to say she couldn’t eat with them in, so she would oh so smoothly use a tissue and pop out the teeth.

Anytime my dad has a chance to interact with a child he does. He does a pretty good impression of Donald Duck, which is whatever. But then he insists on telling the baby, not the parent’s, but the baby, “that’s my baby” as he points to me. He’s done this for as long as I can remember and did just a couple weeks ago at…

Oh, this brought immediate flashbacks to all the batty ladies with shitty yippy dogs I used to have to deal with in my former vet tech life. She looks like exactly the type that would feed little Land Shark only human food like banana pudding, and bring their precious Cujette in for weekly anal gland expressing and…

If men got pregnant abortions would be available via drive-thru.

Thank you for using the story of a woman’s horrifying rape and murder to make a far-flung snarky comparison so you can insult some internet commenters you don’t like.

No, I heard it’s a dump.

I’m not the tatooing sort, but I’m starting to think I make make an exception, and would totally get a Sherri Shephard/ TAngiers Lion tattoo

Can you present one of these 1920’s articles? I’d really like to read it.

Do you think they don’t know? I assure you, it’s that they don’t care.

That reply is a good summary of the difference between American liberals and American conservatives on government regulations:

If your hand is wet (or waterlogged in the traditional kitchen manner) you can go to second knuckle in a fryer with no damage other than your pants.

I had a buddy that bought an old cosmic pizza to turn into a haunted house (permanent business, not just a one time thing) and while cleaning the place out he picked up some random crate and a shit ton of knives fell out the gaps, one of which stabbed him right in the foot. Pizza knives hunger for human blood I guess.

The response I have formulated after 9+ years of being asked when we are going to “give” our daughter a sibling: “After three miscarriages it became apparent that my uterus is for decorative purposes only. But thanks for reminding me about the most painful and heart-wrenching experience I’ve ever had while also…