OR he could have just not tweeted anything!

I don’t drink beer dry (I’m a wine, cocktail or cider person), so this would be lost on me. How long are you even spending in the shower? I’m usually too busy scrubbing up and shaving so this just seems like a hassle. There is no dead time in my shower that could be filled with drinking alcohol of any kind.

Gina Rodriguez is that social media friend who won’t stop gushing about her “King”, then 3 months later cross posts a cryptic message from Instagram like

Shit.... this is hard. Well I guess I would have to say... umm...

Shit.... this is hard. Well I guess I would have to say... umm...

That interrogation didn’t impress me much. When I was a kid, I overthought literally everything, and if an adult asked me a question, I assumed the answer would be hard to figure out and couldn’t be obvious. If a policeman started asking me questions, I’d be lucky if I didn’t just start crying due to the stress.

I ranted for 10 minutes about the pineapple in milk as a snack scenario. I believe the brother did it just based on eating pineapple chunks in milk. The smeared poo on her things, parents’ weird statements, interviews of the brother then and now, and the parents’ reactions just confirmed that theory.

My Favorite Murder podcast?! I watched for the same reason lol

MFM? Are you a fellow murderino??

The first episode ended with the same “these are just theories, don’t sue!” screen. I only watched because the doc will be discussed on a podcast I listen to - in hindsight I should’ve ignored CBS’s 4 hours of speculation and skipped this week’s podcast.

Oh, you don’t want to know about the debauchery that goes on at the International Standards Organization. Caligula would blush!

My last two bunches of basil have followed the same: fresh and green

This is how my mind reads every Bette Middler tweet:

Aww, that’s absolutely adorable.

Easy, just ask for bowls of water and learn to lap it up like a dog.

I switched to metal straws after everyone made scrunchy faces over the plastic ones. Now everyone is making scrunchy faces over how there’s no way they can be hygienic. I just want to drink my water and keep my lipstick on my lips. Ya know?

Anybody who "lectures" a waiter, about anything at all, is a tool. Give your order and shut up.

The name suggests that his parents always knew he’d growup to be a douche.

Ok “Brock” is a piece of shit name to begin with.

Just once I would like for someone to call me “Sir” without adding “...you’re making a scene.”