Those two months contain Christmas, and there’s always Florida...

The problem with the hair-cutting incident, as messed up as that case may be, is two-fold.

Research, hmm? I don’t know if I would call my great-uncle's rambling Facebook posts research.

I think of this.

I am fed up with all these wealthy celebs trying to break the Internet. I pay GOOD MONEY for my Internet, and I will not stand for it to be broken by a bunch of entitled ruffians.

The older I get the more I wanted to become another ex Mrs. Malcolm.

I’m giggling way too hard at “our Lady of Goopelupe.”

“Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, has attracted the support of Katy Perry and Lena Dunham.”

God that is so fitting. I want to call it ironic, but it’s the opposite of irony. It is exactly what you’d expect.

While we’re at it, can we delete “Baby’s It’s Cold Outside” from all Christmas playlists?

my large baby bump is due to wine. sometimes in the mirror i really stick it all the way out and arch my back so it looks even more enormous and i pat my belly and pretend to be pregnant.

My little baby bump is due to wine

I hope more than anything ever in my life that she was paid to be there. Not only because that means Trump has to pay people to make him look like he has diverse support but also because she was paid to give zero fucks and read her book. Can she start a book club? Can we pay her to sit and read during all the GOP…

I was in line at a Fresh Market behind a lady who wished the cashier “happy holidays”. The cashier replied, not aggressively but very very distinctly and pointedly: “Mer.ry. Christ.mas.” I was feeling a little wicked, so when my turn came, the cashier very pointedly said “Merry Christmas” to me, and I replied,…

I think you’ll find that most languages have a word for health.

I’m a ginger and it took me forever to appreciate that.

Not to brag or anything, but my dog already has her own REAL fur jacket.

Keychains and nightshirts and clothes for your poodle

Umm, it’s turnip phrase. Learn you’re grammer, imecible.

No see, they don’t think maternity leave needs to be a thing. Women folk should just leave the job having to the mens (except teachering, nursing, and secretary jobs for those that haven’t yet found husbands) and should be home having/taking care of the babies. No need for maternity leave if you don’t have a job.