Perhaps your outlook might soften a tad if you went home and cried to your mother?

Material breach, huh? I got twenty bucks says it was satin.

I don't give two tugs of a dead dog's cock about Spider Jerusalem

No shots of the Porzingis family, reacting to him being drafted by the Knicks?

He didn’t just juice; he (allegedly) colluded with opposing players to tip pitches from the shortstop position to pad stats during blowouts. That' warrants the Pete Rose treatment (if proven) in my opinion.

I’m actually kind of glad Neymar is turning out to be a first-order bitch. Now I have quantified justification to hate him. (Still, four games is harsh. Two is appropriate. Maybe they’re preemptively negotiating the appeal.)

I can often be found in a similar state when I take Friday off to play golf.

this is kinda sad... I now get my kids every wensday

Ainhoa... Ainhoa... Ainhnoa gonna be on next year's squad, anyway.

It’s like Grandma always said: “If at first you don’t succeed... tear up anything that isn’t bolted down and fuck some shit up! Fuck da police!”

You’re Ric Flair, aren't you?

Wait... his name wasn't really Dusty Rhodes?!

Don't sleep on magic dwarf cock.

Time to put up safety netting along the fairways. You know, like they have in hockey.

It’s not considered a foreign substance if the Crisco is coming from inside your skin, right?

It’s the year 2021... Thomas Bach says he’s done... It’s down to Sepp Blatter vs. Vladimir Putin for president of IOC... Who ya got?

That sounds like my wife, except there’s no car, and I'm in my living room.

Watch it again. Porter didn't give two tugs of a dead dog's cock about that money. This was a revenge flick, through and through.

Ah, but have you ever had cocaine... on weed?

I bet you he got hacked.