2028: “A-ROD THIS IS YOUR AGENT TOM SIZEMORE. TWO OF YOUR HOMERS NO LONGER COUNT SOMEHOW, THREATENING THE SANCTITY OF ‘MR. 700' FROZEN YOGURT AND SAVINGS & LOAN.”

“Christ, Pita! Get out of the water, the Opening Ceremonies start in 10 minutes, we gotta go!”

I think it would be better for my ego if we didn’t stand right next to each other.

Bears, beats, Battlestar Galatica!

there you go again with that #allbearsmatter bullshit

I had nothing to do with this

Omar coming.

When it comes to chugging beer thrown at/to you from the crowd, nothing will ever, EVER top this.

I fixed that for you.

Falcons owner Arthur Blank on Torrey Green waiver: “we don’t want anyone in the organization with those accusations”

Now, would Blank say the same thing if this happened to one of the Falcons’ star players?

The best part is that she doesn’t know it’s up there.

Usually the boos is only a problem at her family parties.

which features Martellus saying that “NFL” stands for “Niggers For Lease”

I know this is sacriligious here, but I rooted for Jim Tomsula because he worked his ass off and took shit for years only to be put in the worst possible position. He’s the anti-Lane Kiffin and I respect all of those shitty odd jobs he had to work.

finally we have skip’s take on lebron: that he’s not as good as Jordan. I’m so glad he’s been unshackled from the censure of ESPN to deliver us this spicy take.

Rolando McClain, Who Is Not High: Okay, Maybe I’m A Little Buzzed

Makes you wonder what kind of pitch Chevy Chase could make.

“Right now we’re more concerned about Tre Mason’s well-being than we are his football career. Once the season starts, we can stop worrying about his well-being.”

Tre Mason: Man, fuck you guys. Not only am I not holding out, I was actually the first person to show up in St. Louis for training camp this year.