Clearly, the man writing the caption could not conceive of another man being in any state other than jolly while in possession of such a large penis. I agree that he does not seem jolly.

For the sake of helping out people who actually have phimosis, I’m just gonna go into this. My ex had phimosis and was so mortified he never went to a doctor before we started dating. Yes, you should def talk to your doctor first, but less severe cases can be helped by taking long hot baths and gently rolling the…

Technically it’s a scale. Priapus was also the god of vegetable gardens and the fresco depicts him weighing the bounty of the harvest against his massive schlong for... some reason...

Hmm. This is new. A Jezebel contributor who cares about someone’s stupid boner.

Oh my god. Is this one of those stories where your family trades off while telling it, like singing in rounds? My family has a few of those. One person starts off, and after a few sentences someone else chimes in “meanwhile, in the minivan...” You know the story is bad when it has to be told from multiple points of…

OMG. If that had happened to me, I’d have simply made sure nobody ever found my grandmother’s body.

Almost choked to death on a hot dog at Disney World when I was 6!

So I was about 10 when my mom and stepdad decided to take me and a friend camping for the first time. Not much planning was involved, just a sort of seat-of-the-pants decision to drive around West Virgina looking for a decent campground. We drove...and drove...and drove. Everything was full, save for this corporate…

I planned a cruise with my roommate. It was my first big girl trip paid for all by myself, was about 25. We planned months in advance. The first 2 days were great. Day 3, lying on the beach in Grand Cayman, a searing pain in my right flank started. It got worse and worse to the point I had to drag my friend out of the…

My family used to take three week RV trips across the United States during the summer. Every summer. Once, my dad and I were chilling at the campsite, his gf at the time is off alone on a walk, and my little brother comes back from his bike ride around the campground with his sweatshirt wrapped around his head a la…

The canoe trip from hell. We were going to take a 3/4 day canoe camping trip. go up a couple of lakes in Northern Maine, carry canoes across to others, come back down to our starting point. My sister and I are in our early teens. On the first lake, we have one of our typical early teen sister battles- fighting about…

Like many parents, mine took five-year-old me to Disneyworld. Perhaps unlike other parents, mine decided that I was old enough for my first roller coaster. I remember feeling mild trepidation as I was strapped into the seat for “Space Mountain”, then screaming my head off for three solid minutes as we sped and flipped…

ZOMG. Am I early enough I’ll be noticed? Please, goddess, take me out of the greys.

When I was twelve my grandmother took my brother and me to Spain to visit my uncle, who lived there. I had only been 12 a month and looked like a child, complete with a flat chest. But my long blonde hair and green eyes made me exotic to Spanish men, who seemed to think I was the right age to catcall and make advances…

I wasn’t there but years ago my aunt and uncle went to the Carribean on some luxury getaway with their kids and literally as soon as they arrived at their hotel room and put their bags down my cousin got overexcited and ran straight through the glass door and they all had to fly straight back to England.

This story involves ALL THE SPIDERS! You have been warned. I went to visit family when I was 13. My family amd I ate neurotic about cleanliness. First night there I had my lower left leg bitten by spiders and had 19 spider bites the next morning. Next night, my upper leg left and some of my back. The third night, I…

Most of my family vacations involved 12 hour rides to North Carolina in the family van where my dad got to pick both the music (Jimmy Buffet and an obscure folk group called Uncle Bonsai mostly) and the detours (mostly Civil War battlefields).

My dad is an astronomer and in 1989 was offered a research opportunity in Santa Cruz, so my parents decided the best thing to do would be for all of us to go and rent out our house. Here are some highlights from those three months:

When I was in High school I took a trip to mexico with some church friends. While I was there I got a terrible sinus infection and woke up with one of my eyes swollen shut. This was terribly embarrasing! I had to ride in the back of a “collectivo” (which is basically just an open air truck that functions like a bus)…