You never go full Smeagol.

Reported to the police for "Upvoted for 'fuck kids'".

I would buy a leatherbound, gilt-edged copy of a book called Legends of Hollywood Blowjobs.

I don't even know in what capacity she is making—or even could make—anyone eat anything.

Tuxedo made of eyepatches.

And just who is going to pay to get this telethon off the ground?

I've also seen it argued that the woman is not robbed of her sexual autonomy, and is instead looking for an excuse to say what she wants.

Oh, not really, no. It's not doing a lot for me, either, but based on the bitching and moaning I heard when it was new, it's at least better than that.

Probably. Many Muppet characters have mothers and fathers, suggesting at least some kind of pair bonding, possibly associated with the mechanisms of reproduction.

Oh, then I can accept that. Carry on.

It exists, but Elmo does not appear in it, mercifully.

The new show is a lot better than people give it credit for.

It's funny you would suggest that one of them is gay.

I cannot disagree, but I did promise I'd fight. So, maybe I'll fight the argument that the puppet you're talking about is technically Kenneth Parcell.

In his original incarnation, he was obsessed with television, hence the name. The idea was to warn against becoming glued to technology. It wasn't until later that he became a more fleshed-out basketcase.

I leave that up to you. I would also accept discussion of the worst Muppet besides Elmo.

Sesame Street doesn't shy away from depicting romantic relationships (see: Maria/Luis, and that time Placido Flamingo fell in love with Maria and tried to convince her to leave Luis).

Telly is a nervous wreck, which is basically how I was as a child, so I always had a conflicting affinity/resentment for him.

"Hey, remember that time last month when we hooked up? Yeah, well, it turns out I have salmonella, so you might want to get tested."

Oh, Fozzie would be the best to date, and not just because he's the Muppet most like my dad, and this has nothing to do with Freudian issues.