Uh, how do you know he used his suicide scare for attention? Pretty bold claim there.

My screen name is my middle name and the day in October I was born. I have the infinity pic for the endless love for my children. 

When I was a wee lad lo these many decades ago, my uncle (long haul truck driver) brought me a surprise gift from Florida. A tiny lizard. Very cute.

She can strip. She can rap. She can see through bullshit.

I really need to see how much advertisers (and the businesses that pay them) benefit from this sort of nonsense.

presumably skipping over the $100,000 book advance she was given for a memoir based on her Instagram, the very same she ended up not writing.

The worst one for me wasn’t actually from my MIL but from my grandma - she tried to give me an old red babydoll nightie of hers that was completely sheer except for three strategically-placed heart patches on the fabric. It was horrifying. 

Over time, I decided selling shit is usually more trouble than it’s worth. I now only sell to the Buffalo Exchange, and only for credit, and only before I’m about to take a trip to a city with a really cool Buffalo Exchange. Then that becomes added to my shopping allowance for that trip. Plus, the fact that I’m…

I used to work directly across the street from the building I lived in and at the time my partner and I had somehow gotten into the habit of using ridiculous food euphemisms for sex. One day I was at work and got a message that said “If you come home right now, we can have egg salad sandwiches” so I dipped out of a…

This was a recent one from my wife who was in another room

This dude worked at the restaurant next to mine, we became friends would flirt/smoke weed after work occasionally. I move away, then move back about a year later. We realize we’re both living in the same neighborhood again so exchange numbers and flirt over text a bit.

Back in my dating days, a girlfriend once sent me a text during an argument: “ERROR: Clitoris not found.” It not only made me laugh, but I resolved to be more...generous orally.

I got one a year ago, and it was a link to a porn video accompanied by “thought you’d like this.” I asked why and he replied, “it reminds me of u.” I hadn’t heard from this guy in over 6 months and I haven’t slept with him since 2012.

I got sympathy for anyone whose parents saddled with the name “Kelleth”.

Billy Porter

Y’know, just yesterday I told my 6 year old that sometimes it’s best not to say something aloud no matter how true you think it is if it serves no purpose except to be unkind. Clearly no one told you this as a 6 year old. You may want to think about it.

Your tarot card reader told you to buy a vape.

Rob Ford???

I’m so sorry. I really feel for you.  I left the high school classroom in large part because I could not continue to be teacher, social worker, and therapist. I was too exhausted just trying to give a good education to continue to take on the other two roles and there was no one else to do them. I get you. 

This is not the article for you, friend.