FAHGET AAHL THEM QUEEAH ROBAWTS, THA WORLD IS WAITIN WITH BAITED BREATH HOPIN FAH MOOAH ADVENCHAS OF THAT CLASSIC TRANSFOAHMAHS CHARACTAH CADE YEAGAH, AS PLAYED BY MAAHKY MAHHK. WHO CAN FAHGET THAT CLASSIC PAAHT WHEEAH I'M AAHL LIKE "I THINK I FOUND A TRANSFOAHMAH!". BRINGS A TEEAH TAH THE EYE EVERY TIME. I CAN…

YEAH A WICKED AWESOME WAY, AHH YOO FAHGETTIN THAT MAAHKY MAAHK WAS NAWMINATED FAH AN AWSCAH FAH HIS AMAZIN ACTIN IN THA DEPAAHTED?

DONT GET ME STAAAHTED ON JAWNNY FACKIN DEPP, THIS FROOTY QUEEAH PRANCES AROUND DOIN SOME WILLY WONKA SHIT AND THEN HE THINKS HE CAN BE WHITEY BULGAH? THIS IS THE WORST CAAHSTIN ERRAH SINCE THEY PUT ME AS A SCHOOLTEACHAH IN THA HAPPENIN.

WHAT IS THIS HEEAH TRAVESTY OF A MOOVIE. JOO GAWT A MOVIE ABOUT THA LAWD AND SAVIAH OF BAWSTAN, WHITEY BULGAH, AND ITS GAWT JAWNNY FREAKIN DEPP IN IT. GO DO SOME QUEEAH PIRATE MOVIE YA GOOF AND STAWP TAKIN JAWBS FROM TROOH BAWSTANITES. AND TAH ADD INSULT TAH INJURY, JOO GAWT DAT LIMEY QUEEAH BENEDICT CHOWDAHEAD AHLL…

MAAHKY MAAHK WOULD ALSO LIKE TAH PLAY THIS PAAHT, IF ANYONE'S WONDERIN. BUT I AIN'T DOIN NO QUEEAH ACCENT AND AINT DRINKIN NO MAAHTINIS, ONLY SAM ADAMS. SO CALL ME WHEN YOOS IS READY FAH A TROOLY AAHTHENTIC JAMES BAWND.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN AWN HEEAH? YOO GAWT SOME WICKED PRAWBLEMS THEEAH, BRO.

YEEAH DADDY'S HOME, EVERYBAWDY. BOOK YAH TICKETS NOW BEFAAH IT GETS SOLD OUT CUZ THEEAH AINT NOTHIN ELSE IN THA THEEATAH THATS ANY GOOD. WHATS WITH ALL THESE QUEEAHS AAHL EXCITED ABOUT STAAAH WOAHHS? WHAT ARE JOO, LIKE FOAH YEEAHS OLD? PUT DOWN YAH WOOKIE FIGGAH AND COME SEE A REAL MOOVIE!

FINALLY THA TELEVISION EVENT OF THA YEEAH IS UPAWN US. WAHLBURGAHS IS BACK! WE GAWT SOME WICKED AWESOME EPISODES THIS YEEAH, LIKE THE ONE THAT HAS BURGAHS IN IT, UHH, AND SOME OTHAH WICKED DRAMATIC STUFF.

MAAHKY MAAHK CAN TYPICALLY BE FOUND SHARIN HIS THAAGHTS AND WISDOM AWN ANY AAHTICLES THAT INVAWLVE MAAHKY MAAHK AND HIS WIDE RANGE OF PRAWJECTS.

NAWW MAHHKY MAAHK IS GONNAH DO DIS MOVIE, CUZ MAAHKY MAAHK KNOWS ALL ABOUT BALLS. I AAHLREADY MADE THA ULTIMATE FOOTBAAHL MOVIE WITH MY MAWDERN CLASSIC INVINCIBLE SO ITS TOUGH TAH IMPROVE UPAWN PAHFECTION.

DID SAHMBAWDY SAY MAAHKY MAHHK? I DUNNO WHO DIS FRAWG IS, I SAW HIM IN SOME MOVIE ABOUT LIKE BALLET AND SHIT SO HE'S PROBABLY QUEEAH. I WUZ ONLY WATCHIN THAT TAH GET TO THA LESBIAN PAAHT THOUGH.

YEEAH JOO AHLL BETTAH GET READY FAH MAAHKY MAAHK'S NOO MASTAHPIECE, PAAAHTNAHS. ITS GONNAH BE WICKED FUNNY, I MEAN, GEDDA LOADA THIS - WE GAWT A CAWP, AND ITS GONNAH BE LIKE, A CHICK. HAAAH! I BEEN LAAAAUGHIN ABOUT DIS FAH LIKE HAAALF AN HOUR NOW. I MEAN LIKE WHEEAHS SHE GONNAH FIND THA TIME TAH LIKE COOK ME DINNAH…

AIN'T GOT NOTHIN TAH SAY ABOUT THIS QUEEAH MOVIE. FANTASTIC FOAH? SHOULDA SAVED SOME MONEY AND GAWT MAAHKY MAHHK COS I'M THA FANTASTIC ONE. I DON'T NEED NO TAWKIN RAWK MONSTAH OR SOME QUEEAH ON FIAH, I DOES ALL MY OWN ASS KICKIN. THIS INVISIBAL CHICK CAN STAY THOUGH COS I TAUGHT HER ALL ABOUT KICKIN SOME ASS IN MY…

WHATS GOIN AWN HEEAH, THEY TRYIN TAH REPLACE MAAHKY MAHHK IN HIS ACCLAIMED AND POPULAH MOOVIE SHOOTAH? AINT NOBAWDY CAN SUCCESSFULLY REPLICATE THA MAAHKY MAAHK EXPERIENCE.

AHH YOO QUEEAH, NONE A THESE RETAAHDS IS DOIN A TROOH AATHENTIC BAWSTAN ACCENT. JOO WANT SOME REAL BAWSTAN FLAVAH IN YAH MOVIE, JOO GOTTA GET MAAHKY MAAHK. FACKIN QUEEAHS LIKE JAWNNY DEPP AND BENEDRINE CHOWDAHEAD TAKIN PAAHTS AWAY FRAWM HAAHD WORKIN BAWNSTANITES LIKE MYSELF, I'M GONNAH SUE EVERYBAWDY HEEAH FAH…

HEY WHAT UP AV CLUB, GOOD TA SEE YAH SHOWIN THA LOVE FAH AWNTOOWRAJ HEEAH, BUT YOO FAHGETTIN THAT CLASSIC PAAHT IN TED TOO WHEEAH I TRY AND JERK TAWM BRADY AWFF? MAAHKY MAAHK SUFFAHED FAH HIS AAHT HEEAH SO YOO BETTAH REPRESENT.

ASK AND YE SHALL FACKIN RECEIVE, BRO. MAAHKY MAAHK IS HEEAH TAH CLEEAH UP ALL YAH QUESTIONS. NOW I DUNNO WHO THA FACK THIS DAAHK FELLAH IS, HE DON'T LOOK LIKE NO DAAHKIE TAH ME BUT MAYBE HES ONE A THEM MIXED DAAHKIES WHO LOOKS SORTAH CAAHCASIAN. THIS SHOW SOUNDS WICKED QUEEAH ANYWAY, I MEAN OLIVAH QUEEAH WHAT SORTAH…

IF MAAHKY MAAHK HAD BEEN THEEAH I WOULDA BEEN IN CHAAGE AWF THA BAWSTAN TEA PAAHTY, TEA IS FAH LIMEY QUEEAHS, I WOULDA THROWN ALL THAT SHIT STRAIGHT INTAH THA HAAHBAH!

YEAH MAAHKY MAAHK IS COMIN TAH KICK SOME ASIAN ASS. NAWT THAT ID KNOW ANYTHIN ABOUT THAT SAWTA THING CUZ MAAHKY MAAHK IS ALL PAHLITICLY CAHRECT AND SHIT THESE DAYS. AWN THAT NOTE, ID LIKE TO CAWNGRATULATE ALL THA QUEEAHS FAH GETTIN TAH MARRY EACH OTHAH OR WHATEVAH. JUST LIKE IN TED 2 WHEN WE GO TAH CAAHT TAH GET LIKE…

AW YEAH I MADE SHOAH WE GAWT TONS AH HAAHDCOOAH NUDITY IN THIS MOOVIE FAH MY BROS. SO GET YASELF A SIXAH AH SAM ADAMS AND BRING YAH OWN AWNTOORAJ TO THA THEEATAH AND HAVE A WICKED TIME AWN ME.