HAHAHA GET A LOADA THIS CAWMEDIAN! MAAHKY MAAHK HAS AN ACADAMY AWAAHD NAWMINATION FAH HIS POWAHFAL PAHFAWMANCE IN THA DEPAAAHTED!

FAAAAAHK YES, A LEGEND IS BOOOAHN!

HEY DISNEY QUEEAHS I GAWT SOME FREE TIME IN MY SCHEDULE, HIT ME UP. YOOSE LOOKIN FAH WICKED ACTAHS, WELL MAAHKY MAAHK IS KNOWN FAH BRINGIN WICKED AAAHTHENTICITY TO ALL HIS PAAHTS.

UHH WE FAHGETTIN SOMEBAWDY HEEAH? TALK ABOUT A FAHKIN OVAHSIGHT, MAAHKY MAAHK STAAHED IN THA FAHKIN DEFINITIVE BLAWKBUSTAH PLANET OF THA APES MOOVIE! THIS LIST IS CLEEAHLY NULL AND VOID AND QUEEAH WITHOUT TIM BURTON'S FAWNDLY REMEMBAHED MASTAHPIECE!

WHOOO GIVES A FAAAHK ABOUT DAWNNIE

MAAHKY MAAHK HEEAH TAH PRESENT THA BLAWKBUSTAH EVENT OF THE SUMMAH! FAHHK YAH FAAHKIN WONDAH WOMAN AND FAAHK YAH FAAHKIN GAAAHDIANS OF THA FAAHKIN RACCOON BULLSHIT, MAAHKY'S HEEAH WITH THA REAL. WE GAWT THA RETURN OF MY CLASSIC CHARACTAH CADE YEAGAH! I DUNNO WHO ELSE IS IN THIS THING, ANTHONY HAWPKINS, IS THIS GUY ANY…

YES

NAH YOO GOT ME ALL WRAWNG, MAAHKY AINT NO RACIST, I LOVES ALL THEM FOREIGN MAAHKETS, ESPECIALLY THA GOOKS, THEY LOVE WATCHIN THIS SHIT.

HAHAHA WHAT A HEEAHTWARMIN MOMENT THAT WAS! FUN FAH THA WHOLE FAMLY.

YEAH THASS RIGHT MAAHKY MAAHK HAS CONQUAHED THA AAHT OF STANDIN NEXT TAH ROBAWTS. HONESTLY YOO GUYS I GOTTA SAY TRANSFOAHMAHS IS KINDA QUEEAH. WHO THA FAAHK WATCHES THIS SHIT. ANYWAYS MY WICKED AWESOME CHARACTAH CADE YEAGAH WILL BE FAWNDLY REMEMBAHED BY ALL MY FANS, AND OF COAHSE WILL BE REMEMBAHED AT OSCAH TIME.

I KNOW RIGHT, I DID THA HAPPENIN. LOOK, I ALREADY APOAWLAGIZED. BUT LET'S ALL MOVE ON HEEAH.

NAWW MAHHKY MAAHK'S GOT WICKED MONEY, I GOT TRANSFAWMAHS COMIN AND I GOT WAHLBURGAHS SO ITS ALL GOOD. BUT IF SOME QUEEAHS OFFAHS ME MILLIONS TAH HOLD UP SOME CELLPHONES AND FIGHT FAKE ROBAWTS AND SHIT, I SAY YES.

GET WITH THA PROGRAM JESUS, DADDY'S HOME IS THA DEFININ BLAWKBUSTAH CAWMEDY OF A GERENATION. NO LESS A CAWMEDIC AUTHORIDY THAN SOFIA CAWPOLLAH SAYS SO!

FAAAAAAAAAAAAHK YEEEAH!

HOO DAH FAAAHK IS DIS LIMEY QUEEAH! THA FANS HAVE SPOKEN AND THEY WANT MAAHKY MAAHK IN UNCHAAAHTED! ONLY MAAHKY CAN DRAW UPON HIS LIFE EXPERIENCES TO DELIVAH SOME WICKED COMPELLIN ACTIN WHILE BEATIN UP DAAHKIES AND STEALIN SHIT.

MAAHKY MAAHK HAS FOUND JESUS AND NOW DEDICATES HIS LIFE TO PROMOTIN POSITIVE ENDEAVAHS TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTAH PLACE. LIKE TRANSFAWMAHS THA LAST KNIGHT, IN THEEATAHS THIS JUNE 23!

EYY DID YOU FAHKIN KNOW AT&T GAWT SOME WICKED AWESOME NETWORK SPEED? IT IS THE NUMBAH ONE CHOICE FAH TELECOMMUNICATION SERVICE! AT LEAST THATS WHAT IT SAYS RIGHT HEEAH IN MY SCRIPT.

HEY I KNOW THE ITALIAN JAWB WASN'T THAT GREAT, BUT YOOSE IS TAKIN IT A BIT FAAH NOW.

HEY YAH CHOWDAHEADS, MAAHKY MAAHK HEEAH TO TELL ALL YOOSE TO GET OFFA THEM QUEEAH NETWORKS AND GET AWN THA FAHKIN AT&T, THEY GOT WICKED GOOD COVERAGE AND SHIT. CAN I GET MY TEN MILLION NOW, I'M WICKED BUSY HEEAH.

HEY NO YOO GOT THAT WRONG THEEAH, MAHHKY MAAHK'S NAME IS ACTUALLY MAAHK RAWBERT MICHAEL MAAHKY WAHLBERG!