YEEAH JOO TAKE THAT SHIT TAH HBO. I SWEEAH, WHAT THA FACK IS GOIN ON OVAH AT HBO? WE USED TAH HAVE QUAAAHLITY DRAAAHAMAS LIKE AWNTOORAAJ AND BAAAHDWAAHLK EMPIYAH, AAHL PRAHDOOCED BY YAAHS TRULY, NOW ITS ALL QUEEAH SHIT, DRAGONS, AND FAT CHICKS. MAAHKY MAAHK TURNS HIS BACK FAH FIVE MINUTES AND THEY STAAHT MAKIN POOWAH…

YEEAAH BY POPULAH DEMAAAHND, MAAHKY MAAHK'S MOST FAVORITIST MOOVIE EVAH COMES TO THA TV. THEEEAH'S GONNAH BE A LOTTAH SHOOTIN WID GUNS AND SHIT. NO TEDDY BEEAHS UP IN HEEAH, THIS IS SOME SERIOUS SHIT, YA HEEAH? FACKIN QUEEAH BRADLEY COOPAH THINKIN HE'S THE ONLY SHOOTAH ROUND HEEAH? MAAHKY MAAHK WUZ DOIN HIS SHOOTIN…

I WOULDNA BEEN PUT IN SOME CHEEAH FAH SOME QUEEAH TO WHIP MY BALLS, THATS FAH SHOOAH. MAAHKY MAAHK WOULDA KICKED SOME ASS RIGHT THEEAH.

DIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYIN FAH YEEAHS NOW! I GAWT SOME WICKED IDEEAHS FAH BAWND MOVIES TOO. LIKE I GOTTA SAVE BAWSTAN FRAHM SOME QUEEAH AAHRMED WITH LIKE A BIG SPACE LASER AND SHIT. BUT I AINT DRINKIN NO MAAAHTINIS, ONLY SAM ADAMS. AND I AINT WEEEAHRIN NO QUEEAH TUXEDO, WHADDAMI LIKE GOIN TO A MOVIE PREEMEEAH HEEAH?…

IM STEALIN THIS FAH TED 3

HEY YOO BETTAH PAY YAH TEN DAWLLAHS TAH SEE THIS IN THE THEEATAH. I WORKED WICKED HAAHD ON THIS MOVIE, SITTIN AROUND PRETENDIN TO TAAWLK TO A TEDDY BEEAH.

NAWWW, MAAHKY MAAHK DONT GO NEEAH ANY REAL SPOOGE, ARE YOO RETAHHDED? SUMMA THAT SPOOGE MIGHT BE ASIAN OR SOMETHIN.

YEEAH ME AND DAWNNY LOVES US SOME RED LOBSTAH. DONT FAHGET TAH TRY THA CHOWDAH!

MAAHKY MAAHK HEEAH TAH INTRADOOCE MY NOO BLOCKBUSTAH. YES ITS THA RETURN OF EVERYBAWWDYS FAVORITE CAAHMEDY DUO, ME AND M NIGHT SHYAMALAN. WAIT NO THAT WAS ANOTHER CAWMEDY I DID, I'M TALKIN ABOUT ME AND THE TEDDY BEEAH.

HEY YOO DISNEY QUEEAHS, MAAHKY MAAAHK IS AVAILABLE. WHADDAMI, CHOPPED LIVAH OVAH HEEAH? JOO WANT AN ACTAH FOR INDIANA JONES, JOO GOTTA GET MAAHKY MAAHK. I AM WICKED CONVINCIN AS BOTH A PRAFESSAH AND AN AAAAHCHEAAALAGIST. IM GONNAH DO AN AAAHDITION RIGHT HEEAH. "GIMME DAH WHIP OR I'LL KICK YAH FAHKIN ASS". SO DISNEY DO…

THA GAWSPEL ACCAHHHDIN TO MAHHKY MAHHK

NEVAH FEEAH, MAHHKY MAAHK IS HEEAH

NEVAH

YEEAH DIS GUY HEEAH GETS IT

THASS RIGHT EVERYBAWDY, THA LEGEND OF MAHHKY MAAHK THA EEAHLY YEEAHS CAN FINAHHLY BE TOLD. JUST LIKE THAT CLASSIC MOVIE STAAAH WAHHHS THA PHANTAM MENACE, JOO CAN ALL GET TAH SEE MAHHKY MAHHK'S RISE TAH POWAH. EXCEPT I AINT GONNAH BE WEEARIN NO QUEEAH BLACK HELMET OR PLAYIN WITH NO FROOTY SWAAHDS.

MAAHKY MAAHK AND THA FUNKY BUNCH IS AAAHLWAYS AVAILABLE TAH PUHFAWM FAH WEDDINS, BAAAH MITZVUHS AND WHATEVAH ELSE. BUT NO QUEEAH STUFF.

HEY MAAHKY MAAHK DONT DO NO REMAKES. AAAHL ORIGINALS. OK EXCEPT FOR THA GAMBLAH. AND THE EYE-TALIAN JAWB. AND PLANET OTHUH APES. AND THE DEPAAHTED. AND CAWWNTRAHBAND. AND MY UPCOMING MAAHSTAHPIECE THE SIX BILLION DOLLAH MAN. AAHLSO THE TRUTH ABOUT CHAAHLIE WHICH WUZ A REMAKE OF SOME OLD SHIT CAAAHLED CHARADE. BUT…

DONTCHOO GO TELLIN MAAAHKY MAAHK HOWDA TAAAHLK PROPAH! IVE MAASTAHED TALKIN GOOD, ACTIN GOOD, AND RAPPIN GOOD.

LOOKS LIKE YOO QUEEAHS AT THE AV CLUB AINT BEEN DOIN ALL YER PROPAH RESEEARCH, AS JOOVE MADE NAAHT JUST ONE BUT TWO CAHLAWSAAL ERRAHS ON THIS HEEAH LIST. ALLOW MAAHKY MAHHK TO CORRECT YOOSE. FIRST WE AAH TALKIN ABOUT THE MOOVIE EVENT OF THE YEEAH, ANTOOWRAAAJ THA MOVIE ON JUNE 5, MAAHK YER CALENDAHS FOR THAT. THEN WE…

MERRY CHRISTMAS FRAAHM MAAHKY MAAHK. PEACE ON EARTH AND GOODWILL TO AAHL MEN, EXCEPT THAT QUEEAH BEN AFFLECK. SO HAVE YER CHRISTMAS DINNAH, OPEN PRESENTS AND SHIT, HOPE SANTAH BRAAGHT YOO YER COPY OF TRANSFORMAHS AGE OF EXTINCTION, AND THEN GO SEE THA GAMBLAH AND THEN GO SEE IT AGAIN CUZ YOO LIKED IT SO MUCH.