Once, in Lincoln Park (but during college!), I tried to wrestle a fake ID from a bouncer. I was fine with not getting into the bar but did he need to take my ID. I NEEDED IT.

While I have been reading the comments on Jezebel for years, I am using my first comment I’ve ever posted to say: this is MY LOCAL and I’m well proud of it #sawf #lahndahn

Is there a full-of-shit analog you guys won’t use?

Thank you, Mary Anderson!

Yeah, but in fairness he’s at least 112 by now.

If you’re Joe Shmoe driving along in the rain, minding your own business, and your car suddenly lurches sideways out of control and hits someone else, resulting in their death? Accident. Tragic, but an accident.

I really wish I could hear what the young woman is saying, because there is almost no context for Clinton’s reaction. I can’t tell if they’re talking about racial equality, criminal justice reform or refugees — it all seems to be going back to the Somali-American community in Minnesota, so that could take on a number…

Nope, he was actually trying to get Hillary to spread her insult out to more people to reduce its potency.

The satanic panic of the 1980s was so fucking weird. The ouija board was a common party game when it was first sold in the 1890s.

You get a ouiji board, you get a ouiji board! I’m a fuckin humorless bitch who helps a series of assholes peddle their snake oil! The Secret! Bubble baths! Magazines with my face on them. All of them! Thank you desperate soulless white women for surrendering your soul to me!! Go fuck yourselves you useful idiotic…

Has there been any insight into why she does so well with African American voters given her spotty history regarding their interests? It seems so bizarre to the point of being baffling.

I want this inside me.

I think David Spade might be made of scraps and bits that have been surgically removed from Sylvester Stallone over the years. Gristle and excess skin.

I had a manager that used to say that all the time and it was completely cringeworthy. The current boss will say she “got spanked” whenever she is taken down a peg, which is just as bad in it’s own way.

I don’t want to be pedantic, but this isn’t what the court said. The court refused to issue and injunction that would have allowed Kesha to record with other labels while the case works through the courts.

Like the Army never screws up. ;)

If the Republicans had been willing to do a budget deal instead of letting the sequester go into effect, there would have been more money. After a decade and a half of war, and a Congress that care more about “Starve the Beast” than military readiness, it’s not surprising.

Well, he did make the attractive Johnny Depp disappear, so maybe.....?

I truly don’t understand. Slam somebody or don’t, what is this getting approval business? It just proves how manufactured this stuff is in the first place. Did Drake call Meek to get his approval before dropping Back to Back?