I can now leave work a happy person.

Pablo Sandoval is really hitting his stride this spring

Good Panda Bear Friday.

Fuck the Wizards

Leaving aside the specific question of strippers, tell your friends, in a moment of seriousness, that if they have [whatever deal-breaking thing they know you don’t want around] at what’s ostensibly your bachelor(ette) party, you won’t attend it. Then be prepared to follow through. If they’re so committed to strippers…

Aubrey Plaza’s performance by itself is a reason to watch.

Please mail me the dog for evaluation purposes.

All of the women would be on the other side of the island strategizing our next steps while the men tried to kill each other. I’d say they could get along amicably for maybe a couple days talking about video games and ranking best grains of sand or whatever, but I think they’d all be dead by day 3.

I sleep with a fan. Less for the noise than for the moving air.

Never delay. The payoff isn’t worth the risk.

I hardly even knowa

TWINS

The tiger because that spear is worthless against an elephant, given its size and the toughness of its skin

I am.

America.

Had he ever not jumped the shark? He was born jumping the shark. Sports dads are the scum of the fucking earth.

I think pancakes. A good stack of pancakes when you’ve got a hangover is just... it’s really a wonderful moment.

This article is actually the most insightful piece I’ve read on White Sox prospects. Now we know who to kill first post-apocalypse when all we have to eat are Twinkies....

Moncada is just one step ahead of the rest of us in preparation of the coming nuclear apocalypse. He’s learning to subsist on a diet of radiation-free twinkies.

Even Wilford Brimley is concerned about someone eating that many Twinkies in a week.