My first reaction was, “what an asshole”. Then I remembered he’s just a kid and kids are dumb and probably thought this was funny and that I’m old and what seems funny to me seems strange to the young generation. I am 12 years his senior and the only time I’ve been on TV it was because I caught a foul ball while I…

Oh shit, I just checked. Villanova won. Yeah, I never would have remembered that without looking it up.

Rob Gronkowski: I like to think I put the “bro” in “abortion”.

fireball?

I just want to know what he is doing at lunch where his shirt keeps coming untucked. I wear a suit daily and never have to retuck unless I have to drop a deuce.

Oh god, +1 to liquid laundry soap. Like an idiot I put a gallon jug of it on the washing machine, and during one particularly vigorous spin cycle, whammo - on the floor and leaking. It took hours, and hours to clean up that gloopy, sticky, miserable mess. I just couldn’t get it all up. It was impossible. There’s still…

In college I worked as a mover and sometimes I’d have to discard soiled mattresses. The correct answer is “period blood.”

I once got food poison from a fast food restaurant. I won’t say which one, but let’s just say they are known for their roast beef sandwiches with horsey sauce and curly fries.

Used to throw parties at my apartment when I was in college. The morning after a party, my roommates girlfriend walks out of the bathroom and mutters “someone peed in the garbage can and I threw my tampon in it”. Well, my roommate declared that because it was my party, I had to clean it up. He’s bigger than me and…

Jolie Kerr, there’s a call for you on line 1. Jolie Kerr, call on line 1. Thank you.

He’s not apathetic, he’s just dodging a loaded question dumbass.

Tom Brady doesn’t owe anyone an explanation. You’re a big boy too!

He also alleged that Barkley can’t walk away from the TV job for...some reason (probably unrelated to gambling losses): “I know he wanted to retire a long time ago, but he can’t...He’s stuck up on that stage every week.”

Cardinals GM: [dials up Astros GM] Looks like we have to send you a couple of draft picks, do you want to make those selections yourself or should we just work off the list that we have?

Press Conference in 2021: “The Washington Redskins are pleased to announce the hiring of our new General Manager, Albert Haynesworth!”

Jim Tomsula has given you so, so many life hacks over the past two years, and this is the thanks he gets?

That would take actual thought and patience and thinking outside of his bubble. So, no he won’t.

A little confused by this whole #deleteuber response for a couple different reasons:

Why is facilitating travel to and from JFK a bad thing?

So, you’re mad at Uber for doing their job and getting a whole bunch of otherwise stranded people home safely?