If you could quit your job and spend the next 2-4 years to train exclusively for the next Olympics, what sport would you choose to train for?

Getting your gear professionally cleaned is bullshit. Unless it’s gotten better over the last 5-6 years. Did it once because my goalie gear smelled like curry and rotten eggs mixed together. It did not work out well.

Heavily endorse this.

Signed,

Former hockey goalie.

Can’t stop laughing at the dude in the wrestling shirt dry heaving after witnessing that. There’s not a chance in hell I would be able to keep down food of any kind seeing that shit.

As a former goalie in both ice hockey and soccer, ice hockey takes the cake for the foulest smelling sport out there. It took a good 4-5 times washing my hands to get the smell of hockey sweat off of me whenever we had morning practice before school.

This goes against everything told to me as a Millenial young professional. I thought I was a SPECIAL flower in this world...

Fuck it. I’m mediocre as shit.

Which department is a front desk receptionist in? I may have already broken this rule...

This illustration is fucking fantastic!!

I will miss the illustration of Chip Kelly foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog when discussing the Eagles.

Sorry to hear about your taste buds... How long has it been since you could taste quality bread and meat?

Fuck all of Jimmy John’s sandwiches.

Woah, woah. What did sourdough do to you, man?

Correct. Swap them for English Muffins and Pita Bread and it’s a good list.

I’ve lost all respect for Drew Brees now that it’s known he’s a Jimmy John’s investor. I’d rather eat half-eaten chicken wings from the Wolfman than a Jimmy John’s “sandwich”

My vote is not a dong. Can not confirm if they are tennis balls, but that’s certainly not a dong.

Sounds like I’m not missing much at all without watching the Wide World Leader in Sports.

Guy never recovered after his MNF fiasco with the Vikings. I’m pretty sure that was the last game he ever played. And he was fucking awful that night.

When people ask “What’s it like living in Florida?” Direct them to the woman sitting in the row behind bird lady.

I’m shocked Chip can even 1) grip a football 2) raise his arm up that high over his keg belly

Pretty fucking ecstatic that the Twins were able to rid themselves of Ricky Nolasco. Enjoy that piece of trash LA!