She. Called. In. Dead.

That skateboard shot is frickin awesome.

woman does thing, is happy. society burns.

I worked in a movie theatre for the first 3 Twilight movies. When the second one was about to come out we got an email from corporate asking if any of the staff resembled any of the main characters. I have no idea what the plan for that was, we just sent them back “NO."

Don’t feel bad, this happens to me too, and often when I am not even looking like I work there. I think, after YEARS of working retail in high school, college, and even a bit after college, I just have the look of a retail veteran.

I’ve had the same thing happen. I’m on my knees moving shelves to set up a display, and someone will walk right past a librarian sitting at the desk to ask me if I work there.

Ohhh, those poor women were born without senses of humor.

That’s because Harry Potter fans believe in fighting evil and righting wrongs. Twilight fans believe in stalking, seducing, and impregnating suicidal teenagers.

I like your style! If you worked in my store I would have let you do it!

Chalky Death = my new band name.

I absolutely was. We actually opened a box to try them, and they tasted just as much like chalky death as I’d imagined they would.

Judging by my lack of an arrest record, not drunk enough.

Sounds like you were a Borders employee! We could not move those candies for love or money and they sent us TWO displays of them. Just another outstanding decision by Borders management.

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

I was way more of a smart-ass when I worked in a bookstore, since my manager was always job hunting and couldn’t have cared less. During the height of the “Twilight” craze, right when the last book and the first movie had been released, we were sent a metric ton of merch, including those SweetHearts chalk-flavored…

This weekend I had my four-billionth customer respond to “Can I get you anything else?” with “Yeah, a stack of hundreds, har har har.” I’d just had two miserable shifts in a row, the highlight of which was the homeless drunk who came in and vomited blood all over the floor. I replied “I don’t have any hundreds back…

PS: moistgroinsupper: I would’ve been in heaven with the garlic menu.

#PIXIELIVESMATTER

We’ve all been there. Mine was the one time I was shelving books at the library, wearing my work badge and (a rarity) a t-shirt with the library’s logo on it. A patron came up and asked “Do you work here?” Given that I was having a bad day and it was about the five hundredth time I had heard that question, I just sort…

The real question we all want answered: How drunk were you Saturday?