HASN’T HE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH, YOU WHORES!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Amen, sister. Almost 32 and still baby-free, thanks to my fear of penises as a teenager, and a free supply of slut pills as an adult. THANKS OBAMA.

Yes, how dare she, as a woman, be multi-dimensional and have multiple thoughts at once. shame.

What harm comes from supplying people with birth control, condoms, Pap smears, and cancer screenings?

I was trying to think of one funnier than etchings and chill and could not come up with anything. A+.

etchings and chill

Thank you! Now I can go on not using these terms, but knowing what they mean.

the magic of the rose tranfered to his penis so it's glow? okay I tried.

omg, so I'm NOT the only person who was like, "ew... change back to the beast pls!"?

DISSENTING OPINION: I remain convinced Gaston is one of those dudes with a tragically enormous dick, who thinks that his huge schlong means he has to do zero work in the sack. He just bumps your cervix for five minutes then rolls over and congratulates himself for being such a superior cocksman.

When I was in middle school, debating which of the Disney Princes was most fuckable was our favorite pasttime.

Being non-consensually assailed with violent, graphic imagery of rape porn is not even close to the same thing as voluntarily looking at porn that appeals to you.

"Someday my prince will cum."

you can easily find that on the internet right now, bro

Yes, we will do that on the same day that anyone gives a shit about what you think.

The whole time we were working on this, I couldn't get this out of my head:

It explains so much. The vaguely phallic antler decorations. The obsession with a trophy wife. Lashing out when Belle clearly cares about the Beast (whose dick would surely be far bigger than it is in his human state).

Boom.

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No one's slick as Gaston