Claire, your eyelashes look terrific. Any frightening cosmetceuticals you might care to suggest I smear near my eyeballs?

@Carlos the Dwarf: Couldn't be happier about that. Best fictional marriage on television, best hair on television. And now a little recognition. Good for them!

@FrescaFreeze, @everyone: A couple of weeks later I went back with a bunch of my friends and made sure to sit in her section, and we left a 50% tip on our pretty huge 6-person, many bottles of wine bill.

A few months ago I was mid-date when it all of a sudden became a very bad date. He was delivering a 15-minute rant about how when he married his first wife, she was only 23 and not really ready to be a wife and mother, so now that he's 42 and divorced he's looking for someone "older," as in 26 or 27. Because…

Perfect. I will also get on some anti-anxiety meds so that I'm an easier employee for my boss to deal with (an actual suggestion from my boss to one of my coworkers a few years ago, because they had really worked to make his daughter less of a pill). And of course I will keep smiling on command every time some guy…

@BlueJeans: There it is. I knew there was something clever in there. Thanks!

WhenI saw the tag on this, my blurry contacts thought it was an "m" on the end and that you were trying to mash up Minelli and nihilism for some serious philosophical commentary. I spent over 60 seconds working through how sequins and velevet pants might be either the cause or cure for what ails you,…

@MartiniO: Love your guts is from a movie, I think. I can't quite pull up from my brain what movie it is, but it's a mom-kid situation, and I've always thought it was super-cute.

@mannequin: That's absolutely the most chilling quote. It's just . . . there are no words.

I once fell completely in love with a guy because whenever he sent out official notices regarding a pretty serious organization (or at least a usually-took-itself-pretty-seriously organization — he was the managing editor of law review), he would sign it xoxo Jeremy. I have used xoxo on almost every friendly or…

Seventeen-year-old girls getting botoxed to look a number lower than 17? Maybe girls are bad at math after all.

@jessacecilia: During the show last night, I decided it's that she's really really really stupid. It's that simple: she's simple.

For everybody who's getting defensive: read the NYT article. It just says, this is a thing that is happening. I know Sadie characterizes it as "what's their problem," but the NYT article doesn't take that tone at all. Not one insulting characterization or adjective. It goes through the various socioeconomic…

@najmah: Right? I'm a capricorn, and I was also born under the sign of the teardrop.

My boobs are exactly like those of the playmate from the month I was born! What if playboy really is controlling our boob shape, like, cosmically?!

@ashleynwalker: oh for the love of pete. I even read the whole item and all the way down to this comment thinking it was courtney cox. brains are so weird.

Going on the View to talk about the backstage backstabbing among a group of women who are on a New York-based tv show? Coals to Newcastle, Bethenny, coals to Newcastle.

@bp090499: To prove your point: I just showed those two pics to three people who walked by my office and didn't know who was who. All three assumed it was the other way around. So there you go.

This never happened while doing press for Frida. Once you point your life in the direction of a movie in which Kevin James pees in a pool, the universe will take liberties.

At my former firm, there was an associate meeting that became legendary. In it, one of the female associates pointed out that there had never in the history of the firm been a woman associate who had a baby. The senior name partner of the firm said, "but Sally's daughter just had a baby a few months ago." Sally is…