It really bothers me that Oprah felt she had to explain why she hasn't had children. Lots of people don't for a myriad of reasons. And the whole "my kids would hate me" thing is just so awful. It's like she's trying to get the rest of the world to agree with her decision to not procreate. I know many people who…

Oh, Paula. You are a lovely, lovely lady. Why would you want to go out dressed as Mr. Krab?

I love dogs, like for reals. I like kids enough, I guess. But one rule applies to them both: Teach them to talk, and you'll never be able to get them to shut up again. Trust.

OK, fine. Cute kid. You think somebody could have wiped her runny nose? Totally lost major cute points with me there.

I second that emotion. I'm so tired of being assaulted by the view of the inside of her gaping maw.

I know her eyebrows were actually removed by some method, but only one lady can rock the no-eyebrows look for me.

Bleached.

Just an observation, but I find that Entertainment Weekly being abbreviated as EW is appropriate in more than one way.

QEI: Corpse Bride

Thank you.

See, if people actually stuck to costumes that were SCARY for Halloween, maybe this would be far less of a problem.

I think Paris Hilton looks kind of awesome (pantyhose and all), and that makes me feel weird.

This pic is from 2008. But she doesn't seem to have the squinty eyes thing going on she is more know for. Her eyes seem much more relaxed, giving her a look we're not used to, I think. From the nose down, she's got the same look.

OK, so I couldn't find any good Julia Roberts gifs to top that, so here's my favorite Prince one instead. I think it's as good a response as any to toenail chewing:

Ew. hahaahhahahahahaha

THIS right here.