For one thing, the cop’s shooting percentage would be sky-high.

unfortunately he came back to plant a murder weapon.

After winning the fucking World Series, you should really change your handle.

“Harris, I want you to get out there and suck the shit out of 87’s dick. He’ll never have a chance to get off the line!”

The highlight of my life arrived when I fired up a vid console and saw me, LT #77, right there in virtual reality. Every time one of my kids hits another milestone in their pathetic lives I have to go home, turn on my PS2, and see me, LT #77, in crystal clear virtual reality, in order to feel anything at all. My…

To be fair, Eddie Lacy is a size 0 in Wisconsin.

Andy Reid also banned hoverboards last week, saying he felt they caused his team to move too quickly for his taste.

“I caught the ball and put in hoop. You are woman now.”

Tomsula’s 5-11 record probably played the bigger role in his firing. Also, the carpet he installed in the owner’s suite wasn’t as stain-resistant as he promised.

This is going to be such a glorious shitshow.

That’s all he wrote?

“I’d hit that.”

Whenever the End Times come, we need to make sure we save Antonio Cromartie for re-population purposes.

But if I don’t take the lump sum I cant do stupid things with the money.

Can’t wait to play this game. I wonder who will have better ratings, the university of central Alabama Maroon Wave or the Clensom Bengal Cats?

Based on a minimal understanding of Buddhism, I feel confident saying that David Bowie has been reincarnated as this video game.

Nothing worse than seeing a former teammate, leader, and inspiration leaving a trail of tears as he walks out the door, one Blackfoot following the other.

A lot of conclusions will be drawn from this story, but the only logical one is that Notre Dame is going undefeated next year.