I look forward to chowing down on (local foodstuff and/or national fast food chain) when I get to (city)

One man was charged with the real-sounding crime of “unlawful use of a two way communication device.”

What kind of monster tells Dolan not to quit his day job?

I am straight-up never going to tire of the “getting hit by” runner. I hope on my deathbed, my demented, Alzheimer’sy self reads an article about “Early 21st century presidents, ranked” that ends “6. Getting hit by a Glorbulon Freighter.

The Bulls may have the worst culture in the NBA, but the worst culture in all of sports can be found in the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ locker room.

“Run faster!”

He still goes home to Kate Upton.

Its the Braves, if they don’t like the results, they can always take it back.

“The last hitter who hit .400 is dead and gone. There isn’t going to be another of those.”

For anybody to think this is a perfect game, they’re kidding themselves.

It’s a real shame he couldn’t get a ring.

Just a reminder, the highlight of Mets calendar is approaching quickly. Only 15 more shopping days left until Bobby Bonilla day.

The 3 most important words in this piece: “completely privately funded”.

Pretty eventful day in East Texas. Astros did the pillaging, while just a few hundred miles up the road in Waco, Baylor did the other part.

For the love of God please let Derek Fisher still be on the roster when they next meet the Red Sox, so he can go up against relief pitcher Matt Barnes.

In an America where it feels like every day brings a fresh new hell, to see this kind of innocence and gratitude from a kid is fucking adorable.

Less than an hour later Antoine Walker was seen frantically running around the surf in futile desperation.

“When I was looking at earth from the window of the International Space Station (where I was invited by the king of earth), I could see the sun glinting off the top of Robert Trent Jr.’s balding head like golden beacon. I could also see his mom, because she’s so big that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND…

French fries on a sandwich are delicious. Don’t even bother replying if you disagree, ‘cause you’re wrong.

Maybe.