I’ve never been more proud of the associate’s degree in IT I got from a trade school for sleeping through class hungover.

My dad always told me that there was earthworms in Slim Jims when I was growing up so I’m more or less okay with that.

Can you please stop cross-posting The Onion articles on Lifehacker?

You’re doing The Lord’s work.

I just ordered my new favorite mug.

Oi, I’m just going to throw this out there, but it’s interesting how Notre Dame can play a basketball game on Good Friday but to have their health insurance cover their birth control would violate their “deeply held religious beliefs”.

Will it possibly have the “A Way Out” co-op feature where only one person has to own the game? This would be the kind of thing my roommate would be into for a little bit but I don’t really want to saddle them with getting a Steam account and purchasing a game when they don’t have a lot of money and they typically…

Telling a guy you fucked his mother and then punching him in the face = Socially Acceptable

I concur. That is the overall Goal of the Year. WK’s is the NHL Goal of the Year.

I really hope we can get some mileage out of that joke. I think we’re going to have to alter it to “It’s not Holy Week anymore, so I’m not going to forgive you.” soon though.

I literally just threw up from watching this. It took 22 seconds.

Now that I think about it, yeah, after the Million Dollar Extreme (or whatever it was called) incident that’s probably for the best. I’m going to be perpetually creeped out by that building every time I go past it now.

The Cup Noodle thing in Final Fantasy: XV blew my goddamned mind. The game in general assaulted my expectations (like getting “off-road tires” for the car) but the Cup Noodle thing came out of no where and my bro was so insistent about it and then he sent us on a quest to kill a giant shrimp to enhance my Cup Noodles.

The name of this episode was “Digital Exploration of Interior Design”. I will never not laugh at that.

At least you’re being honest with yourself. That’s a start.

Honestly, I didn’t even know what “gams” actually meant until just now and I’m 31. I always heard my grandfather use the word but I thought it was an antiquated form of “tits” or “jugs”.

So I spent weeks sewing a quilt like my grandmother taught me when I was young, but because I didn’t shell out $20 at Target for a top sheet I’m still some horrible piece of shit that’s ruining America? Cool story bro.

Ben is a Deadspin reader who likes cricket.

I’m not sure what she’s complaining about. Any given astrologist is more toxic than any potential space debris.

My birthday is in late October, and is frequently absorbed by Halloween, but for me it’s always about Endless Shrimp at Red Lobster. I can put down triple digit numbers worth of shrimp in one sitting and it’s something I simultaneously always look forward to and remember fondly.