I take issue with “performative”. If you were having dinner with Jerry Seinfeld and he was telling jokes you wouldn’t call that performative. Yeah, he’s doing it because being a ham is fun, but being a ham is fun.

My parents were 20 and 22 when I was conceived and now that I’m 31, their blundering incompetence is morbidly funny.

What is Pornhub’s take on all of this?

As a guy that spends 10+ hours a week on Pornhub(I find myself paralyzed by the same indecision that also haunts my Netflix and Hulu browsing habits) don’t lump me in with these jagoffs. 

Yes please.

Coutnerpoint: Don’t let the accent fool you, John Oliver is from the Pittsburgh of Great Britain.

That was amazing! Can we get some roller derby highlights next? I would literally watch competitive document collating if it’s that intense.

What happens when a supposedly spiritual practice is commercially dominated by only a few gigantic brands, like Alo Yoga and Lululemon?

*actually crying*

Tennis balls are traditionally tennis ball color unless you get the blue and/or orange ones for dogs. Next question.

This is so inspiring. I can’t even imagine the level that this guy is at to be so good at something that you can go up and give a speech with negative fucks like that. There are are 4 year-olds that have better delivery than this guy and I love it.

Have any previous US President seen every Cabinet position replaced in a single term?

Wow. Emotional growth sounds dope.

Or you know, we could accept that the whole of reality and existence isn’t about us. It shouldn’t matter if things have value or not.

College basketball isn’t really my thing, but the fact that David Roth casually chained a Shakespeare quote into a Simpsons reference is one of reasons why I enjoy the Deadcast and Deadspin in general. Thank you and keep up the cromulent work.

“As you should be aware, Alabama law is clear as to my personal financial responsibilities in the feeding of inmates. Regardless of one’s opinion of this statute, until the legislature acts otherwise, the sheriff must follow the current law.”

I’m living that right now.

Is it more or less difficult of a read compared to Infinite Jest?

This would be so cool if I wasn’t 6'4". I’d never be able to shit in that toilet due to lack of leg room.

As someone of Italian heritage living in Georgia, I tan in a way that I have only ever been pulled over between the months of May to September. The number 3 radio preset in my car is set to 94.9 The Bull exactly due to these facts.