Oh, okay! Let's blame insufficient caffeine levels.

Cash Warren, this generation's Danny Moder. For you youngsters, he's the cameraman that snagged Julia Roberts.

Psst... That Pacino story links to the DiCaprio art story. #corrections

Jesus take the wheel! Look at this, Carrie motherfucking Underwood, I never thought I'd relate to you, but here I am.

Oh, I miss my work husband from when I was in games - he was the lead artist and we would have totally done something like this.

In real life, I like freakishly tall, vaguely weird-looking guys with biggish noses. Seriously, the last few guys I've dated looked like a casting call for Girls' Adam's more straight-laced brother. If I had a hand in casting the show of my life, that's probably what it would look like, because that's the type of guy…

Never really drank, which is just one of the ways our college experiences varied wildly. Hello, state school, and not even a good one!

I call them Spinach Movies, in that they're good for you, and you know you should see them, but you don't want them. (although I love spinach and should perhaps change the name to something good for you, but disgusting, perhaps Kombucha? Sorry, Kombucha lovers, I'm not sorry, drink your vinegar water, drink it up).

This is the secret to all of my happiness and sadness, maybe you could make some coffins for my adorable sock creatures?

Yes

What that smile is saying is, "Where's my autographed first-pressing of Born to Run, motherfucker!?!?!" I know because my sweet ginger prince sent me a text.

Be my best friend, Mindy! No? Take me shopping? Still no? Okay. *Sigh*

I shall fight by your side in the flame war. Or, at the very least, ignore by your side.

And good for her, using her celebrity for something worthwhile once again. I wish people would get off the tabloid-narrative train of her "wild child youth" and "Oh, poor Jen!" to actually listen to her and see the actions that she takes to back up her words.

What I love about this Men's Health cover, you know, other than all the PINE! is that they have him doing the high school jock, let's make my biceps look bigger pose. You know, where you put your hands behind your biceps and push them out while crossing your arms. That said, I'll dry your tears Pine, I haven't dated a…

Blah blah blah, Wilson Phillips, wait! Hot-ass early Los Angeles Summer? It was 34 godsdamned degrees in Pennsylvania this morning. Shh, me, deep breaths, by September you shall be living in warmer climes.

I'm pretty sure Tiana & Naveen are that couple who are soooo in love and have waited and are planning on doing it in their hotel room post-prom. Every school had one of those, right?

I was like, "Flashes?!?! If by 'flashes' they mean wears, then okay." Seriously, it's her engagement ring, pretty sure she has it on a lot the time. I hate you, Daily News.

The one and only family of Indians I grew up with were Sandip, Dipti & Kenny. One of them was born in America. We also found endless glee as children in the fact that their mom's name was Pusbut, as we all descended from Anns and Janets and Dianes. Also, it sounded like puss and butt.

I know a Brendan Patrick McNally, and he is not the first of his name. His dad is Ireland-Irish with an accent and everything, so I guess it's okay. He also has roughly a bajillion older sisters.