If I had a picture of my greasy-ass hair from yesterday, it would look much like Mr. Cooper's in this one. However, people love me, even though I looked extremely unloved, so none exist, and I certainly didn't attend a film premiere looking so unloved.

I just spent a horrible night at a Towson Days Inn, this is just another reason I never, ever, ever want to go back to Towson. Seriously, never stay at the Towson Days Inn.

I've been wondering what level of bad person it makes me that I love the new FOB song so hard. Apparently it makes me Taylor Swift-bad, which isn't very bad at all. I can life with that.

So on this trip, my sweet, ginger Prince will be spending approximately 10x more time with our vets than most of our own public officials. Oh, Harry, if I liked you any more, I might have to hunt you down and have scandal with your penis. Yeah, that is what the kids are calling it these days, and yes, I went there.

My cousin Cody and Big Ang are, like, friends. That little shit has the best life.

Dax Shepard, you motherfucker! It's only 8:30 in the morning, I should not have had this much moisture pouring from my eyes already. Seriously beautiful, especially as the child of a well-meaning, but totally fucked up, father.

I can't watch stupid YouTube at stupid work, but I really hope the one where (the actress who plays) former porn star Luanne Delaney from Sons of Anarchy is too depressed to walk her dog is included. She just isn't anyone but the badass, biker chick, porn studio den mother in my head, but I guess I'd be pretty…

There will never, ever be a better "I was an idiot child and not only did I let him get away, I tossed him away." story.

My aunt has eyeliner tattoo, and she loves it. Her eyes are really watery and her kids got her the eyeliner thing for a gift. I didn't even know she had it done until she told me, just looks like regular eyeliner.

I once got into a legit argument with one of my girlfriends who claimed that Sophia Bush (that girl from One Tree Hill who went out without make-up) wasn't pretty. That's how strongly I feel about her being totally fucking gorgeous.

Poor Morrissey super-fans, you guys just have to buy tickets and hope for the best, huh?

I know I've told this story a bajillion times. But, the Gerard BUTT-ler thing, I can't help but think of the friend-of-a-friend that hooked up with him when he was filming "Law Abiding Citizen" in Philly. We'll just say that BUTT-ler is an exceeding apt descriptor for his sexual proclivities. But, she did say he was…

Fun fact, my mom and I have matching red butt-flap pjs. My dad plays Santa Claus, and has a big, natural, white beard and a matching big, natural belly, every few years, someone stumbles upon some of those pjs and buys them for him. They haven't yet found a pair that covers the belly. So, my mom and I wear them to…

I don't have $500,000, but I would be willing to do crazy awful things to get it in order to see LoVe have a happy ending. Oh, Logan Echolls, you obligatory psychotic jackass, I never new how to quit you.

Every super power I have is useless (Song Identification in Crowded Places, Perfect Jell-O Shot Removal, Always Knowing Where There Is Cake), if I had just one useful super power, the things I could do.

Best Buy. Identifying celebrity voice overs in commercials is one of my useless super powers.

Pennsylvania, in the physically beautiful, but highly flawed, portion oft referred to as Pennsyltucky. You know pretty much everything between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh.

What I really enjoyed about Mark Hoppus's cupcake tweet was that what followed was a rant about amazing qualities of doughnuts. It was a bit I could appreciate.

I'm going to beg for steroids, we'll see what happens. It's been 3 weeks and I'm just exhausted, this mother doesn't seem inclined to clear up on it's own. Even though I avoid them, it's pretty much antibiotics or a psychotic break at this point.

I REALLY hope that's what my doctor tells me I have when I go to see him for what I know is a sinus infection this afternoon. If I'm leaving work early, might as well make it a big one, right?