My standards are:

Oh god fuck those guys. If the other twin liked you, his brother could have just set you up with them. They are creepy, predatory assholes.

I'm going to see Slowdive this thursday. My teenaged self just high fived me. Also I made gourmet shitake ramen soup from scratch that I will enjoy in the office tomorrow. I'm living the dream people.

Best Karaoke Songs-

So I went out this afternoon, and ended up running into the twins again. I demanded an explanation for what happened. And it turns out, in a weird twist of events, that the second twin actually likes me, and the first twin (original guy) was trying to set me up with him. They apologized to me, which was nice, but I…

In a very 'fuck grad school' kind of mood tonight, so I'm drinking boozy tea and watching Netflix for the first time in awhile. Going through Gilmore Girls again and realizing:
1. My mom always insisted that her and I were like Lorelai and Rory....we're not. Our dynamic was much more Emily and Lorelai (minus the teen…

There's nothing wrong with you. Like most relationships, it didn't work out. Don't beat yourself up.

Well, I bet they also roll their eyes at Amber Tamblyn's poetry.

I know there are no words that a random stranger on the Internet can say, but this hits really close to home, so....*hugs*

Drinking at home alone. Safe. In your pj's with good t.v. is one of the great pleasures of life. Lots of alcoholics drinks at bars and with friends all the time....

We did it twice on our wedding night. Is that weird? Once the second we got in the door. (blush) and again after I finished getting the five million bobby pins out of my hair, because I was going to put that white negligee to use, damn it.

its artisanally subconsciously uncoupling.

That was seriously the douchiest picture I have ever seen. Jeah?!

Good. One of my career goals is to move into a position of power that allows me to cancel when dickbags are running late. I know, lofty goal.

GOD PUTIN IS SUCH A CUNTFUCKPENISFACE UGH

this chick is going to cause a worldwide shortage of mdma

I'm on vacation right now, and I am living your comment all week.

Well, it's pretty clear that Chilli and I are never going to be BFFs.

Meanwhile, in the valley of the Jolly Green Giant, someone is missing something. Ho, ho, ho...

That animatronic George W. Bush pigfucking sculpture needs to go in Disneyland's Hall of Presidents! Is George the top or the bottom? In other words, does the pig represent Dick Cheney or does it represent America?