You might as well ask why Twilight made its author a millionaire, why PornHub is one of the biggest websites in the world, and why doggies love it when you scratch them on the belly. Say what you will about base-level pandering, but you're never gonna go hungry by exploiting it.

It must be the similarity in their voices, since I also confused him with Vincent Schiavelli at one point. Unlike Ryan Seacrest, though, I had the excuses of being 11 at the time, and Google wouldn't exist for another few years.

My first job was at a movie theater that had that and Time Crisis 2 in the arcade. It didn't take long before I had filled up the high score tables on both of them.

I had the PC version for a long time. Perfectly playable, but the graphics were severely downgraded from the arcade original (same with the Saturn release, but then, most things looked crappy on the Saturn).

A home version of the original House of the Dead that doesn't look like total shit would be nice.

*reads headline, then reads article*

As long as you don't mistake them for derivative, uninteresting plantains.

I'm still trying to unsee some of them even now. Giger's artwork is great for anyone who's sick and tired of sleeping peacefully all the damn time.

It's like comparing terrifying, claustrophobic apples to thrilling, adrenaline-packed oranges. Both do vastly different things with the concept, but they're two of the best at what they do.

…Eggplant? Look, I think jokes about phallic objects are just as stale now as they've ever been, but come on; H.R. Giger's design was as deliberately dicklike as he could've made it without getting the movies an NC-17 rating. He even put a glans-shaped protuberance on the back of its head.

If you've made a Bob Marley ice cream without weed, you have not made a Bob Marley ice cream. Q.E.D.

"Researchers a Pfizer say they've developed a purple pill that can give you all the benefits of a glass of red wine, with none of the alcohol. It's called a grape."

I'd never thought to categorize the "setup = punchline" type of joke, but only because Norm MacDonald does them so perfectly that they practically belong to him.

I might be misremembering my Spider-Man lore, but wasn't Peter originally well out of high school by the time he met Mary Jane? It seems M.J. most likely isn't in this movie at all, and "Michelle" here is probably based on Michelle Gonzales from the comics.

You're too good to me, that that won't be necessary; it's gonna be the last thing they'll ever hear anyway.

Dude, is this what you've been up to?! Get your ass back under my bed before that hobo I left you starts to turn!

A wristwatch? Psh. It's all about sundials this year!

Can we get a slightly larger sample group outside of a (near-certainly hipster-based) demographic that uses a dating app centered entirely around complaining? This makes as much sense as doing a poll of The 700 Club's viewership to gauge public opinion of marijuana legalization.

You disgrace the fat, antisocial loser that provides your avatar.

Hey, McDonald's: You can't get our hopes up with all that "McNugga lubba dub dub!"* shit and then just quietly abandon it. If you want to reel interested customers in, how about getting back on that Mulan McNugget sauce you said you'd look into?