They would be more entertaining if they were honest.

I wish I could give you bonus points or a glittery star sticker for making a "Cake" song reference. :) Especially THAT song.

Clover Hope, are you even in your 30's? Nevermind, you can pry my jeggings from my cold dead fingers. They make my ass look great.

my friend took me aside and told me to stop being such a melodramatic twit

Wait, there are people who find these letters endearing?

New girl crush.

Hey Kelly, I'm the girl who tweeted at Amanda saying I wanted to cover up my Dresden Dolls tattoo. My Twitter handle is @drkeithablow, in case you were wondering.

Ugh, should my husband ever be so foolish as to abscond, any open letter to any new flame would probably start out "Dear Whore Bitch, you ever see me coming, you better cross the fuckin' street" and go down from there.

To all these people, I'd like to say: It's not about you anymore.

"On the surface, these letters seem like courageous acts of humble pie..."

Instead of bi-weekly can hang out with Eudora ever day?

You know what? All of a sudden I don't care if Kyle MacLachlan does end up solving her murder.

I love my rainbow drugs.

How did you poop before 2013?

I'm so sorry to hear that, and I hope that you are doing ok. I wasn't meaning to make a blanket statement that everyone should just take drugs, even though it does sound like that.

Is this going to be a weekly feature? I'm into it, that was funny!