I dig their friendship. It is weird and makes no sense. Kinda like my friendships.

Gonna look weird when they both pretend to fall at the same time.

Hahah I know it was still sitting very high up on my bookshelf when I left for college. My parents retired the same year I graduated and made a lot of executive decisions while packing up the house, so best case, it went on to haunt some other innocent child’s home. His doesn’t work in the sense that it no longer…

You monster.

Your family sounds AMAZING. I don’t know what my parents did with mine, but my brother still has his—it made it 2,500 miles across the country to my parents’ new home when they retired, even. He likes to leave it on the pillow next to me when I’m sleeping while we’re home for the holidays, because that really is what…

“Ah-uh ah-uh”

I didn't have a chart but I rotated everyone for fear of hurting any feelings. My good friend tells me she did the same thing as a kid. We're both very sensitive and sorta anxious people, so I guess it makes sense.

That chart idea is adorable. I love it!

The chart was very thoughtful of you. I slept underneath all of my animals in hopes that if a serial killer broke into my house they wouldn’t see me.

My stuffed animals. I hated dolls except for the one whose hair grew when you pressed her belly button. Embarrassing confession: I used sleep with a different stuffed animal each night and had a chart with a schedule so none of them would have hurt feelings.

I had one of these bad boys;

When I was like 21, a cop followed me as I pulled out of a diner parking lot at 1am for 5.5 miles down the same road, until I turned onto the street that I lived. I didn’t pull over until I was clearly in streetlights, near houses (the first block of that street wasn’t really residential, but the next block was). It…

In most states, you can call *77 on your cell to get in contact with the highway patrol in the area. They should be able to relay your intention to the officer following you. Check on your state though, as some use other numbers. You should also turn on your hazards, use the right lane, and travel at normal speed.

Seriously, I feel like electing pastors is a huge conflict of interest. These people need to choose whether they want to be religious leaders or state leaders.

In Mexico we ban pastors from public office. It’s unfair that someone who can threaten your immortal soul can also run for office. That’s how they explained it to me in elementary school civics and I still believe it’s the right thing to do. I guess my rural school in Mexico was part of an evil plot to indoctrinate us…

My mother-in-law’s cocker spaniel has a tongue that hangs out of her mouth like that. In her case it’s because she has about four teeth left, so there’s nothing keeping the tongue in place. It’s really cute, except for when she’s been eating cat shit (her favorite pastime) and has bits of kitty litter hanging off her…

My favorite French Bulldog. And his owner ain’t bad either.

Can we not call her “crazy”? She has a well-known struggle with bipolar disorder. I would venture to say many actors deal with similar concerns. But “crazy” is not the term we should use.

Me, if I were ever to meet Gary. Or Carrie Fisher:

What I usually do with the awkward questions I actually answer them with a joke so you never know what is true or not. “Are you two dating?” “Absolutely and the baby is on the way!”. “Are you two sleeping together?” “NO way!!!!! When we get to bed there is absolutely NO ‘sleeping’ - if you know what I mean!” If I get…