I wish my webcam had been recording as I read this post. My reactions evolved from:

I’m not down with a Moody Bible Institute grad. I know it’s not Wheaton. But yeah. HARD PASS.

Alex Trebek. We were going to town, sweaty and frantic and he kept yelling, “Who is....your daddy?” over and over again like they phrase it on Jeopardy. Suddenly he pulled out and I was standing naked in front of the studio audience, crying.

Well, in fairness not a thing these smelly walking nutsacks do makes any.

How are there any Jewish GOP supporters? Aren’t they Christ-killers-who-hate-Christmas?

absolutely beautiful trash. wonderful trash. a yuuuge, gorgeous pile of trash. a pile of trash that will make america great again.

Losing Millihelen is the Deepest Cut of all.

Yes, she gives me $7,000 per post. It freaking rules.

Is it too late to say I’m sorry now?

Frankly I’m more concerned that a strange woman is lurking behind me with a bunch of old timey condoms and what appears to be a urine sample.

Kiiiind of seems like you give a shit about being called a bro. Nut up, broheem. You’ll be fine.

Maybe you just haven't banged enough aliens.

Let’s look at all the silver linings here.

“She called you daddy for 18 years, now it’s our turn.”

But do I want Elizabeth Taylor’s marital advice?

Maybe men should get better at that.

YES.

Also, could people please remember this the next 100 times a comment section here is filled with people talking about sororities as nothing but a group of girls buying friends. Here’s one example of why organized groups have value: there was an organization available to make an official response, and they have an…

I don’t care much for cycling tbh

Wait, so Jezebel can shill a $80 canvas toiletry bag or a $125 necklace made from red string and 0.00001 ounces of silver, but this is scammy?