She sounds awful, and I hate her. I do have a piece of (unsolicited) advice, though, on dealing with inlaws. I hope you don't mind me giving it: They will annoy you more than anyone else in your life ever will. Everything they do will seem one thousand times more annoying than it would seem if a non-inlaw did it. The…

I love how people automatically assume you want someone to jump into the mother role, often not considering that one might find it unpleasant for any number of reasons.

Since your mom "isn't here" You can tell her she's welcome to pay for the wedding too. Cuz you know, that's what real moms do! Then proceed to pick out the most expensive dress (or most slutty, depending your mood.)

Do you want me to deal with her? Because that shit is not cool at all.

"There's got to be a happy medium between wearing a burka and running around half-naked," said Przybyszewski.

The same video as the original is coming up for me, but here's a link to the Ellen interview:

Doesn't everyone hate the Red Wings? #GoBlackhawks

That was pretty go-od.

Dear fellow commenters,

What if it was DJ Roomba?

I'm a woman, I'm a feminist, and I'm a scientist.

Unless it gives you an erection.

Meanwhile, local 29-year-old woman Jigglyball reports being "humbled and surprised" to discover that she is too old to figure out how to navigate a new commenting system. When pressed for comment, she shook her and sighed, "I'm a Millennial, for god's sake."

LOLLERSKATES. Well played, Onion. Well played.

We don't need a future, we just need The Onion writers to tell us how bad it will suck.

Puppies puppies puppies puppies—PUPPIES! Puppies puppies puppies puppies—PUPPIES!

Interesting idea! I'd love to see the data on that. 70% is an impressive number. Whose research are you basing your assertion on?

How is it even possible that MTV is winning?

but...but...