Hold up, if people are responsible for the damage they do to their body, why are not we also, as a nation, responsible for the harm of the products we let be sold? Why are we not duty bound to tax harmful products and use that money to take care of the people harmed by them? And, why not also make everyone buy health…

Hmmm. And why should I pay for the education of people like you who choose to be willfully ignorant?

Why am I paying for a military base in Texas? I don’t live in Texas. What are those military base people in Texas doing for me right this instant? The only military base that matters is the one in my state and those Texas people better help pay for it.

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessing of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity.”

Steve Bannon looks like a mall Santa who got fired for beard lice.

Steve Bannon looks like the odd man out at a swingers party attended by Ted Cruz.

Steve Bannon looks like Seth Brundle if they remade The Fly using a syphilis bacterium instead of a housefly.

Steve Bannon looks like he discovered freebasing discount gin.

Steve Bannon look like he was bitten by a radioactive slob.

Steve Bannon looks like Philip Seymour Hoffman - now.

Steve Bannon looks like a living ashtray.

This is how the Trump administration will put over the dismantling of American civil society for the next four years: by banking on whipped, boot-licking reporters so committed to the performance of empty impartiality and the maintenance of access

The 4:57 mark when Ricky asks, “Do you know how many times I’ve been messed with by cops just for being black?”... and the officer behind him, moves up closer behind Ricky, looks at his buddies, and is seemingly fully prepared to whip something right off his gear belt.

If you took all the race descriptors away, no one would have lied about him being in anyone’s yard.

You’re renting your TV from a different Aaron.

Normally, I’d say that’s a waste of a TV. But this guy will probably just mount it on his wall.

I mean, how can a Cowboys fan be surprised by a post-season loss?

Trevor Noah has improved, but Seth Meyers has been doing this longer. I feel like years of weekend update was practice for stuff like this.

“Half of my friends are under indictment right now because they sent emails to each other about how they’re screwing people,” said Trump.

he uses computers all the time. computers love him. he has fantastic computers, with many many friends.