I had no idea that one is supposed to tip the wheelchair pusher (I've never used their services but it's good to know for future reference). Is that in all states? Did anyone else know that?

He didn't want Barbara to come out of retirement. She may be old and nutty, but the woman can fuck you up in an interview so calmly in her Oscar De La Renta suit. He'd end up perjuring himself.

I go to college in Cleveland where an innocent twelve year old boy was killed in cold blood by an officer today for daring to carry a BB gun. I'm crying as I type this. I'm so angry. I'm so angry and yet powerless and it's killing me.

And the most condescending press conference possible.

This week and weekend have been full of crappy news stories. I want everyone to know that somewhere a man has fallen madly in love with a dog. Not in a creepy way! My fiancé moved in two months ago and he is now my - our - dog's #1 fan.

I deeply identify with Nanita as a fellow primate. Sometimes all we want or need is for someone to hold us close, envelop us with warm care, and brush our fur for us.

"I woke up like dis"

My mom took me on a trip to a store once when I was about three and there was a clown who gave me a balloon. Goddamn, I loved balloons. Soooo much.

When we got home, I learned the trip had been a distraction! My daddy had built me a swing set in the backyard! I must have been really into it because I let go of my…

There are so many layers to this one.

So who's your favorite author?

"Grad school? Why would you ever want to go to grad school. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I don't know why you even want your Bachelor's degree, you'll just stay at home with the kids."

Saying "I don't know what's wrong with you, my last three girlfriends got off from three minutes of missionary."

it's like horrible crack. i watch because i want to see what happens next- like, how can they top the thing that happened before. eventually there will be aliens, i know it.

Isn't Nancy also throwing shade at the fact that republicans are notoriously against social welfare programs? That whole next level of shade is down right shudder worthy!

Better yet, how is this orange psycho hosebeast Speaker of the House? ??

Really, though, they should have put the bags in separate dumpsters. What kind of lawyers/murderers are you people?!?

Whatever her name: "There's a special place in hell for women who don't support other women."

The scene where Drew Barrymore is walking out of that asshole's castle because she FUCKING SAVED HERSELF while whats-his-name was riding up to "rescue" her was a defining moment for my budding feminist self. EVER AFTER 4 EVA.

Also, there was already an awesome live-action Cinderella movie and it was called Ever After and no matter how delightfully insane this cast is EVER AFTER WILL ALWAYS BE FIRST IN MY HEART.

NBC seems to be willing to do everything but fire Matt Lauer. It doesn't occur to anyone that he might be part of the reason for declining ratings.