Honestly, she’s as electable as Bernie. Which is to say two things, A) We’re all fucking totally fucking fucked, and B) I feel like Bernie as her VP would actually be a cool ticket. 

(Pst, hey, that’s the same as making it on the stove on low) 

oh fuck

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH THAT PICTURE 

lmao this is some FUCKING good kinja

Okay, stick with me here:

Fun fact: 2016 was 37 years ago today.

COUPLE THINGS

You can’t devmapall on Switch.

Officially announcing my plans to watch this as a comedy. 

Think you missed that train, Mariah. 

Not to be whatever, but all of that looks like Jurassic World cosplay.

I think you’re wildly overstating the impact of the coverage of this story pre-AB’s release. There wasn’t any impact. The Patriots did not cut AB because of the media pressure, because there wasn’t any. All of this, everything that we’ve been talking about up to this point, happened AFTER his release; not while he was…

Ooo baby boy, was that the classic dismissal by play-acting? I like your energy! But no, don’t flatter yourself, I honestly didn’t read what you typed up. I still haven’t read it. I won’t be reading it. What did it say?

But that’s not what this is! At least not to me. This is a sideshow, this is foolishness. This is something to fill the time in the early weeks of the football season, until AB goes to trial. Nobody will pursue this after that. Nobody will ask about it ever again once it goes out of style on Thursday. Also, please…

True enough! But the media facade of “OOOOOOOH WHY ARE THEY DOOOOOING IT SO SPOOPY!” isn’t helping. We ALL know why they aren’t talking, and they’re never, ever going to answer. I think there’s a possible argument to be made that the Patriots view this as something akin to a “trade secret” or a competitive advantage.…

“What if HamNo, but a second one”

Because that’s what these two do. Like, compulsively. About everything. 

Wait, why are we acting like any of this is a mystery? Why are reporters pretend-wondering why they signed AB and then cut him? They signed him because at the time the potential reward outweighed the potential risk. They cut him because the potential risk quickly grew to outweigh the potential reward. That’s it. 

Spaten is the best one. That’s all the matters, really.