I’ll get you out of the greys. You need to be publicly shamed.

Last time Bill was a part of a historical sporting event, Daffy Duck was there. Guess what happened then? Yeah, earth was saved

I want to tell her to calm down but then I think about the seething existential rage I experience at people that walk three wide in hallways and amble, or left lane hogs, or people that take too long to use the sugar/cream station at Starbucks, or people that forgot the form at the Post Office, or try and get on the…

“Actually, I’m a urologist with two failed marriages who drinks to0 much and has an addiction to Beach Boys records and loves the big bang theory. Also, I love wearing leather on the weekends. I cry a lot. In my underwear. Hugging my lifesize teddy bear named Hank.”

That loud breathing sound you just heard was the sound of all the other part-time comedians exhaling in relief that Harkaway included “my colleagues” in his apology. I can’t imagine what that community has gone through the past 24 hours trying to understand how his actions might reflect upon them as a whole and what…

“Sorry if that line was a bit rough everyone. I guess you could say I’m a bit Russ-ty!”

“I wouldn’t say I’m unattractive folks, but given that I’ve had two birds in my hand, there’s no way I’m getting one in the bush!”

Guys, Trump is an aberration and doesn’t represent the values of the Republican Party.

So, just so we are clear here is a quick summary of Tammy Duckworth’s life:

Boy, the once-veiled white ethnonationalism of the GOP is on full display this election.

*Stunned silence intensifies*

But seriously - if you have an opportunity to insult a decorated war veteran you have to take it, right?

Odd fact: when Penn State’s wins from 1998-2011 were initially vacated, Penn State’s most recent winning QB was technically Mike McQueary, who was the team’s QB in 1997.

Unfortunately, the gene-splicing treatment needed to overcome recessive ginger DNA costs upwards of $10 million.

“America: Love It or Fuck It”

I believe so much in “America” that I cry foul when you don’t stand for our national anthem, yet I will threaten to overthrow the government if the election doesn’t go my way.

Elizabeth Warren is looking rough

A man with no sense of reservation.

Fox cameras found this Indians fan rocking a headdress and combo blackface, redface and sadface and lingered on him for a full ten seconds