Yeah, I can't even snark on this. I don't know why. Usually I'm the snarkiest bastard I know. Maybe it's her face; she looks so genuinely distraught. I just want to hug her and set her up with a nice guy who will love her for real and say nice things for free. We all deserve at least that much.

She probably also thinks that goddamned dress is White and Gold.

Dude, dick paraphernalia is the fucking worst. Get her a sash that says "Bachelorette" or a tiara or something, or dress up like you're doing Glamour Shots, but for the love of all that's holy, don't get dick paraphernalia. Not only is it uncomfortable for at least half the party (if not more), it's utterly…

My friends took me to a drag show then we did karaoke while they got me unspeakably drunk. We finished an enormous bottle of gin. It was fantastic.

So it's like 70s-era Penthouse then.

"Post menopausal women do not have sex. Next question?" — Dr. McBroom

If they'd had a driver who'd been injured, they'd be shamed for being too full of themselves to drive.

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYONE FEARS SPIDERS

um, expanded backstory plz? this sounds fascinating.

LADY MARY, IS THAT YOU?

Please just talk to her about this without proposing. I firmly believe that proposals should not be a surprise— you both should have at least discussed marriage before anyone pops the question. If you truly love and care for her, tell her this. Ask to be with her and have a real, facebook-official relationship for a…

If that's the case, do it at the end of the visit, not the beginning. That's a hell of a lot of pressure to put on someone who is depending on you for a place to stay.

Maybe just kiss her first and see how THAT goes before moving on to proposals?

I miss Gilda.

I'm here to say that older brother's wife needs to be known as Dirty Kelly Ripa.

She was originally going to go with Summer Eve, but decided that would be too douchey...

There is a movie with Jenny Slate called Obvious Child- and she does just that. It's a great little movie.

If it includes American Gigolo-era Richard Gere, you can count this old lady in. Now get off my lawn.

100k to get almost raped by george costanza? no thanks.

I hope he finds out he is number 4 in the rotation because his dick game is kind of weak.