Dear fellow readers of Kitchenette:

Cats will tell you when they don’t want a bath:

Kitty will get his revenge. They always do...

you are trying extremely hard. here’s your reply out of the greys and the star you want, sweetheart.

Dad: “This is the hazzard of owning a pool in this area.”

+1! While I was watching this, I could hear my mother’s voice in my head saying, “That’s why we put things away when we’re done with them,” in a very smug tone. Finally, she’d think, the bears have come to prove me right.

“I can’t! My father’s a dockworker!” will now be my stock response to all even mildly awkward or annoying suggestions from friends, coworkers, lady cops, etc.

Kyle is currently losing his shit over krazy straws, so yes, I agree. We need to give him some time.

He’s that one guy everyone knew in college who got a bass, learned how to play “Money” by Pink Floyd but nothing else, and would play it to audition for dozens of bands, none of which ever asked for him to come back.

Does it really solve the problem if we take the life of this tumor? Let's not compound a tragedy, the tumor stays. I'm not pretending this is easy.

Target hasn’t addressed his trolling specifically,

Or Mr. McCarthy might have. For all we know, she was a freshwater biologist who, out of pure personal curiosity, impulsively decided she wanted to take a closer look at what was living in the different levels of sediment when she got home, and thought this was the easiest explanation.

This needs some footage of Danny DeVito from BATMAN RETURNS.

Seriously, good for her. It is super super hard to get out of a cult and to not only do that but then talk about it publicly is a giant fuck you. Nicely done Leah.

NOT EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO LOOKED AT IT ON THE INTERNET

Facebook Messenger.

Any Facebook app. I still use the actual site in browser out of necessity because it’s the primary mode of communication for some friends, but I’ll be damned if I ever download their app on my phone again. Their original app was bad enough but when they spun off messenger I decided I'd never download the messenger…

Land of Appropriate Pastrami