Now THAT is truly a harrowing tale. You are alive because there is nothing else in this world that can harm you after you shotgunned an entire. can. of. snuff. juice.

I know many of you are here for the truly terrifying scary stories (me included!), but I’ve got a heartwarming one that I’ve been aching to share for years. Please stick with me, as I promise that there is a payoff after the setup! And with that, come along with me and travel back to a tour bus full of exhausted…

How did the one about the crazy mom spying on her kid through the window not make it into the Top 10!?!

Let the makeovers commence!

I bought one of those too (in black) back in 2006! I had a slow summer desk job and I found an eBay seller who would list about five or six of these bags a day. For days I bid $30 on each one he listed until I finally wasn’t outbid. I still have it, but I now work for a luxury website so I don’t dare bring it into the…

I LIVE FOR THESE STORIES. This is exactly what I needed today!!!

Now that she’s got the diploma, she should teach a master class on looking that good at 100. NO JOKE.

There is no way his phone’s battery would last long enough for him to play Pokemon Go until 5 am. Unless he’s coming home each night with a dead phone and a few dead back-up batteries, I ain’t buying it.

The lead image briefly brought me hope that BCO had returned to Jezebel. Peak misdirect achievement unlocked.

Four bottles for $15, WHAT?! I just looked at the Deals section of Zoya.com but it must not be available anymore. That’s amazing! What colors did you choose?

WHAT. EVEN.

This sounds like my college roommate and her boyfriend (now husband). He asked her to “go on a break” at least twice in two years. Each time she swiftly found another guy to date or hook-up with and her boyfriend came up empty. He wasn’t bad looking, but he definitely underestimated her ability to move on without him.

No matter how clear you make it ahead of time that you are NOT, repeat NOT going to replace a willing and paid professional at a good friend or family member’s wedding, they just do not hear your words.

My youngest cousin asked me if I would take pictures at her wedding. I declined, stating that while I have a nice…

Sit down and make a list of anything and everything you’ve wanted to do or try which your ex did not or which you were too afraid to ask your ex to do. Food, museums, trips, movies, kinky sex stuff, learning Klingon, anything. And then DO THEM ALL, either flying solo or with friends. The new memories and experiences…

Oh God, yes. I have been reading through these stories thinking “You mean everyone else didn’t just devolve into a sad sack of tears and hibernate for a few months? It’s just me?”

Your father sounds like a wonderful man. Give him a hug for me! :)

My friends did not and her parents should have realized what a big deal that was. Instead, they complained that there was so much meat leftover after the reception (huh, the vegans have a lot of vegan and vegetarian friends attending their wedding, who woulda thunk it) that they wasted money and got a bad deal.

My…

You have my utmost sympathies. A friend of mine and her now-husband are both vegans, but her parents were so insistent on meat being served at the reception that they offered to pay for it. Not pay for all of the food, mind you, but just the cost of the meat. At the wedding of two people very opposed to the…

You know, I didn’t have any declared enemies on the yearbook staff, but I also wasn’t close to any of them. They probably felt like I was a safe target because they didn’t really know me. Or maybe they hated my boyfriend. He was known as “the band Nazi,” so that's not an impossibility.

You poor thing! I was a school teacher in what now feels like a past life, and we were explicitly forbidden to drive students anywhere without a guardian’s written permission. Otherwise, the school district was convinced we would get in an accident and they could be sued. But it hurt to see kids who just wanted their…