I always assumed it’s because I have a great ass.

The DA office put that out? Do they have any evidence that this ever actually happened?

HR personnel are garbage and don’t deserve any respect whatsoever. Reading their whiny LinkedIn articles about being ghosted by job seekers is hilarious. You owe them nothing unless you think they may be of use to you in the future.

...and people who buy, use and recommend these things can all burn in hell....

But cigarettes are still available for sale? 

Every time I eat foie gras I feel like my body rolls a d20 to see if I get gout or not.

Oh for God’s sake. What do people drink in countries that are known for spicy foods?

It’s significantly better than NY pizza, and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise

“Actually shops at a farmer’s market” should start shopping at actual farms. This shit goes down all the time at the farmer’s market too.

File sharing sites often have them.

Possibly a more pressing question: what are you doing snooping on your partner's phone?

It's just common courtesy and class. Obviously the author has none. And yes its because you didn't pay up for first class. 

UCOTD (unpopular comment of the day)

Automation should be the death of fast food jobs.  Nobody should have to work in a job that can be easily automated. 

Not the Antonio Brown come back story I expected.

And let’s be real.  The kind of person who robs old ladies in a casino bathroom has probably burned all bridges with a successful sibling long ago.  There’s a good chance that addiction factors in somewhere, and we know how that destroys family relationships.

Hmm, it’s almost like the children of shitty people become shitty even shittier people. Who’d have thunk it?

“That would be in the butt, Bob.”

Better get my real nudes out there, I guess.

Rebuttal: Satellite radio sucks ass. Youtube sucks ass. Pandora sucks ass. Spotify sucks ass.