Please tell me Papa remarried so the family could have Hot Shot Part Deux.

My Dad always bitched about those made-up names and said any grandkids could call him “sir.”

right, if its just a beer you don’t need the quotes. the quotes make it seem like he told his parents he was going out for a beer, but really is going to meet up with the kid who was way into drama class back in high school.

Who the fuck keeps a bucket of ice on the dinner table. Are you Bruce fucking Wayne?

my Dad is a great guy and a great Pap

Getting shitfaced on the sly under the guise of nostalgic ruminations with childhood chums in order to escape parently duties. I do it nightly.

Some of us can handle doing more than one thing at a time.

Oh god why did I look up degloving.

Here at jalopnik we don’t care what you want, but we know what you need.

The correct response is “Well, I legally can’t kick you in the nuts, but let’s see what happens when you try to stop me driving away”

Anyway, there are actually quite a few seemingly race-neutral behaviors black people do that give me pause—items they might possess or things they might do that make me think “Yeah, he/she might be a racist, so I’m just gonna assume they are racist. Because...they probably are Racist.” Below are 5 favorites...but…

I mean, yeah, we military dudes travel the country a lot so having a truck bed is nice but we also have kids and pets; so the extended cab is really convenient. Why does owning a utilitarian vehicle have to reflect my dick size?

I’d be lucky to just get a kick in the nuts.

I legit slept on the couch for a month after buying an AMG-GT without telling my wife.

Why aren’t all women like this?! If I surprised my wife with this car she would surprise me right back with a swift kick in the balls.

Bar tables are nice in theory, but in my experience, service at them is worse than either at the bar or at a regular table. It’s purgatory, and you’re still subject to being hemmed in by rowdy drunkards at the drop of a hat.

hey, you can’t always get what you want

One looks like JC Whitney fucked a minivan. The other is an Acura.

I’m fine with stricter gun laws. There’s no real need to anyone to have full or semi automatic weapons. My point is that it seems to me that most of you blame the gun and not the perp.