Instead of training, they are hunting elusive giraffes.

Worker to student: “how you like them apples!!?”

Reminds me of the Christian Slater greats Pump Up the Valium and Gleaming the Rube.

Last night, the Giants didn’t complete a pass longer than 14 yards

Gee, I’m real sorry your mom blew up, Rickie.

How amazing it must be, living in a coastal city. In Chicago, where there is nothing and your only friend is the demonic avatar of winter riding a fixed gear bicycle, you’re lucky if you find an old broken acoustic guitar lying in a trash heap somewhere so you can pluck tuneless melodies next to a space heater until…

Never met a home brewer in Chicago??? You may want to get out a bit more and talk to people because you cannot throw a stone down a north side street without landing in someone’s home brew!!

Oh my, you had me at “loose Europeans!”

Referring to him as a “reverend” in the first sentence kinda makes you sound like a dick. He’s an ordained priest, not a storefront preacher.

You don’t want to talk about Tebow’s dong?

Funny, Adrian Peterson’s son’s face is imprinted on his cleats too.

“Jesus Christ. Why did no one laugh? It’s like Ground Gyro around here.”

When asked what he’s going to do now that he’s got a 100 million dollar contract, Antetokounpo said he’d carry on the fine Greek tradition of spending all 300 million of it.

Well, at least someone in the Mariners organization knows the meaning of “Proactiv.”

“Don’t worry Steve, I’ve still got your back”

After them, how about the U.S. Department of Education officials who gave away hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars to line the pockets of ITT execs? What fucking idiots approved federal loans for these useless degrees in the first place?

The only possible conspiracy that concerns me right now is the whereabouts of Rom Romberts.

I liken it to the mortgage crisis of 2008; if the government is handing out free money, you shouldn’t be arrested for getting in line.

I really can’t believe it took this long for the government to catch on to the for-profit school scheme. My roommate was an “adviser” at an online school and his job was purely sales. He told me about how the system worked with the Federal Aid, and I was like “Whoa! Enjoy it while it lasts because it won’t!”....that…

That’s a lot of cocaine suppositories!