Ooh, a time-traveler from the 80s! How's 2014 treating you? Must be pretty weird with all the gay marriage and non-shit diesels.

VW advertises wheel horsepower for the GTI, so the previous-gen's crank output was 215-225hp. A 500$ stage 1 ECU flash will take you to 250.

GET OFF MY FIRST NEW CAR WHICH I WILL BY FORCE OF WILL PROTECT FROM ANY WEAR OR BLEMISH

The great thing about money is not having to sweat the details about the shit you buy.

The GTI you want is imaginary, or exists in the Golf R, which most aren't willing to pay for. The GTI is arguably the best practical fun car currently made.

I'm most likely going to get flamed for this. (But I don't really give two shits about it.)

Yeah, the thousands of horny dads talking up booth babes are a way better crowd.

Even if they know exactly what's happened, it's a case of crossing t's and dotting i's before you terminate. It probably all seems coddling and bureaucratic until you're the one facing termination.

Paid leave is what you give when you're still investigating. It's easier than being sued for lost wages if an investigation doesn't turn up anything.

They didn't pull themselves up by their own bootstraps or whatever!

Wait, wait, are you saying that not all investments pan out?

Hi, homo here.

10.) Front plates

4.) Pedestrian Impact Regulations

Engine noises were dubbed in after a test screening for the 60 Minutes core demographic reported distress and confusion.

Internet fuckwits who've discovered conjecture.

Quick everyone, to your fedoras! There's conspiracy afoot.