Maybe as the new Ethics Chief?

“White House Accuses Outgoing Ethics Chief of Grandstanding in Statement That Misspells His Name”

R. Kelly doubles down on his awful bullshit so thoroughly and unequivocally that the GOP is nominating him for a high-ranking position in the Trump administration.

Well if you can’t believe a guy who pees on a naked 14 year old on tape, who can you believe?

R. Kelly Says He ‘Will Work Diligently and Forcibly to Pursue His Accusers’

“Made in America” week? Does that mean Trump will make all of his crappy products in the US?

Is that fucking seriously his agenda for the day?

“Mommy, look I’m in the big-boy truck!”

Great. Thanks to Donnie, every celebrity fuckface thinks they can be elected. Completely unqualified people who are considering a run for office:

The fact that no Republicans care about this, and refuse to denounce it, let alone sign on for criminal prosecution or impeachment proceedings, makes me very uneasy. The way Cheetolini’s lawyers and little Benedict Donald’s lawyers continue to sign off on these stories that continually go from bad to worse, whilst…

If the son’s a twit, you must acquit!

But in seriousness, I feel bad that they got so hurt :(

These women need to stop getting married in California.

I can’t. I can’t make jokes about this, or find it funny, or think “oh jeez THIS guy” or any of that fucking bullshit. Because at the end of the motherfucking day, I am raising my daughter in a world that is REGRESSING instead of PROGRESSING in terms of women’s rights and that makes me fucking sick to my stomach. It…

And everyone knows he meant, “for your age.”

Jennifer Garner, the actress tabloids would like you to believe is a long-suffering sad sack even though I’m fairly sure there are few happier people in Hollywood, hung out with some of her gal pals (Chelsea Handler and an unidentified brunette)

Lol, she’s probably happy she doesn’t have to deal with his drama anymore. Now she can just be rich and pretty and unburdened with worry about leaving her husband alone with the nanny. I assume that’s a great feeling after the initial shock wears off!

My son is a high quality person

I say this only semi-seriously:

The general public’s cognitive dissonance over the NRA is staggering. The fact that not only was there no meaningful discussion or reform after 20 children were shot to actual pieces means nothing will change in our lifetime.