‘Shared a bath with the Masters winner’(!!!) Wow, look how far we’ve come. Fuzzy Zoeller still doesn’t think he should have to share a bathroom with one particular Masters winner.

“I will be able to say ‘I’ve shared a bath with a Masters winners”

Dude looks like Bob Mould swallowed Uncle Junior Soprano who is now fighting to crawl back out.

Jesus. What did he do to permanently mess up your back, if you don’t mind my asking?

Can’t wait for SBNation’s longform profile of him.

As my granddaddy used to say, watching Schwarber play the outfield is like watching a three legged cat on a frozen pond trying to bury it’s own shit.

This is the Crying Jordan of Deadspin. I always expect it and I always love it.

He doesn’t even seem to understand the things he’s writing or why they apply to his job. I mean, if that fucking stock market analogy were any more tortured Hinkie would be indicted by The Hague.

With Scott O’Neil running our business operations, you are in good hands. I can assure you that when your team is eventually able to compete deep into May, Scott will ably and efficiently separate the good people of the Delaware Valley from their wallets on your behalf. Worry not.

If you have sushi leftovers to put in the fridge you need to re-examine your life choices.

get an 8-5 job where you can get fired if coming late: voila, morning person lifehack

Acknowledging “Hey, Rob Ford smoked crack and wanted to cut critical social services.” isn’t an insult to the man- it’s stating facts! You can say “Rob Ford was loved by his children” and “Rob Ford was hated by the citizens of Toronto” at the same time!

Here’s the thing:

“Don’t tell the truth.” That’s not a very good lesson your parents taught you.

“If you cant say anything nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.”

Maybe I am just totally heartless (possible) but I never have any compulsion to change my tune about someone just because they died. If you don’t want people to talk poorly of you when you shuffle off this mortal coil don’t be an asshole in life.

All Vince has to do is clone her 99,999 times and Roman will actually get the ovation Vince wants for him at Wrestlemania!

The same thing people get out of watching reality TV?

Hooray, another thread where the Deadspin commentariat can feel like they’re blowing our minds by telling us that wrestling isn’t a legit sport!

yeah it’s just a bunch of fake moves, and then the Stunner, which is real. i don’t get it either