My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.

Dad when I was 15: “You could stand to lose a few...” I was around 135 then...and I’m 5’7”.

I would have thought Colonel Sanders would be a breast man.

I am on the path to marrying my current beau - is it foolish to think that we can each have our own money thing going on but then have a joint for shared expenses?

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

Ah I know its cliche to want a tree planted over your dead body, but now I want a tree planted over my body so that in couple hundred years maybe my skeleton can scare someone when the tree falls over.

That reminds me of a very odd Winnebago trip I took with a few friends and one of their parental pairings. The parental pair was quite well off and very Southern-rich (when driving through Manhattan—in a Winnie, mind—the wife exclaimed, “Oh look! A homeless person!” with all the glee of a seven year old girl spotting…

This is pretty minor. When I was 15 or so, my brother was 10, and our mom took us on a trip to Austria, Italy, and France. We saw a lot of cathedrals. My brother reeeeeally liked the crucifixes everywhere and bought a big one to wear around his neck from one of the gift shops. We’re not religious, he just thought it…

I went to a Catholic school for middle school and I have two stories from my time there. During Lent, we all wrote down our sins on a piece of paper. The priest took the paper and set them on fire before he started the Eurachrist. Behind him, I could see sparks as the fire started to melt the bowl. The kindergartens…

Me and my sisters went to catholic school for a year when we were little because we were living in an area where my parents didn’t feel great about the public schools. (We’re not catholic.)

Hey, you were halfway there...

I should probably admit right now that I am fat myself. I’m barely 5′1″ and 135 pounds and wear a size 6 and a 34DD

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

I am going to keep this one short and sweet.

im actually personally offended that tate is #2

Next week will be Revenge, so while not light, it’ll definitely be cathartic.

Wouldn’t free ketchup actually be commie? Charging for it is very American and capitalist.

“My husband and I are vegan. My daughter is vegetarian and both of them are allergic to gluten, lactose, shellfish, soya, onions, peppers and GM foods.” I’m assuming the kids survive on eating air, then. Assuming it’s not red air, cause they’d probably be allergic to that too.