It is going progressively worse, though. I mean, Black Crowes to Muse to Jonas Brothers. If she keeps this up, she will have to date Diplo next.

No b/c Nick Jonas is firmly in “Adult” territory. He has already been able to vote and is legally allowed to drink alcohol.

“He kind of freaked out and didn’t even say anything. And then Kylie Jenner pulled the finger at me and then security took them both out.”

I give stars for puns. It’s cheesy, I know, but I’ve gouda do it.

You can always tell which ones are the gay cows. They only eat HAAAAAAYYYYYY.

In all fairness, saving someone could leave you open to all kinds of liability right? I mean what if you drop someone and they get whiplash?

I don't get the whole 'tap instead of machine' logic. Like, I understand that most bottled water is simply gussied up tap water, but tap vs. machine water is LITERALLY the same goddamn water. Its all coming out of the same pipes! Do these people think there is some sort of special plumbing that carries in water…

Wow, this question is fucking ludicrous. I’ve been to law school and practiced for several years and I know for a fact no lawyer would bother saving anyone else in a fire. Might as well be testing on legal customs of middle earth.

Anybody whose religion forbids the ingestion of a certain food is going to be more, not less, familiar with that food. Unless you think cheeseburgers are vegetarian. Ain’t nobody can help you then.

So low and no fat homo milk is from skinny gay cows that wear skinny jeans?

How does one avoid a product if one literally doesn’t know what it is?

We have a lot of people from different parts of the world working in my building, and I have noticed that most Asians as well as some Europeans can’t stand how cold the water from the water cooler is. Most of them know the exact ratio of hot:cold that is required to get the temperature they like. I bet they get…

Hold on - Matt tortured and dismembered an old man and only got 25 years, while Sweat got life for killing a cop?

Man, I hate it when it sands in the winter, and I have to wait for the roads to be cleared before I can drive. I hate shovelling sand in the driveway, too. THough I love making sandmen, and having sandball fights...

I could point out there’s a missing word here, but frankly, using “bacon” as a word is better than the more normal way to write this sentence.

Ok, assuming you’re not kidding here (because there are serious comments like this every week and you’ve done nothing too over the top to show you’re being sarcastic) a person who keeps Kosher or Halal would know what “pork” means because it would be incredibly important for them to know that. If your diet forbids you…

She proceeds to explain to him that only a hamburger contains meat, and that a cheeseburger is vegetarian. She says she knows this because she has been to McDonald’s in London literally *hundreds* of times in the last few years, and that a cheeseburger is always vegetarian when she orders one!

Well, obviously launching a physical assault on any business is not constructive, but I think the resentment long time residents might feel about a place that is clearly intended to serve the people pricing them out of their homes is understandable and not entirely unfair, independently owned or not. Those businesses…

Wine and artichokes - I could live on that quite happily

I just know that at some point before I die I'm going to see a package of hamburger with a warning label "Contains meat." and it's going to be because of one of these idiots.